Love on the brain

Hold up

I brought a jug of water and two glasses on a tray and put it on the table. I went back and fetched my bottle and my phone and I sat next to my dad while he sat next to his mom. "We came here to talk about a very serious issue amongst these two" Nia said and my dad looked at me with concern. My eyes were fixated on Jermaine and I just couldn't wait to hear what this is about. He got so tired of owning up to his mess that he dragged his mama along.

"What could that be?" My dad asked. Clearly they came here to fight because addressing this with my dad, he should know better that my dad won't even live to hear them say anything bad about me. My dad won't even be pleased if it's the truth. I tried to protect his image and he came here to ruin it, clearly. I guess the truth will always come out.

"Naledi left Jermaine, cut him out of their babies life and left him." Nia spoke and my dad looked at me with confusion. "Why would she do that?" He asked and I sat back and relaxed, trying to see what Jermaine would rather say. "Care to explain yourself Naledi?" Nia asked me and I shake my head as I took a sip of my water. "I think Jermaine should explain why I left" I said calmly and Nia was getting irritated by my calmness.

"It doesn't make any sense why you would just leave my son like that. Next thing you're going around calling my son a deadbeat" she said and my dad shook his head. "My daughter would never do that, leave without a valid reason?" My dad spoke and I smiled. "There is absolutely no valid reason for you to cut your child's father off. Exclude him from his own child's life? Over my dead body" she said as she looked deep into my eyes.

"Jermaine..." my dad interrupted her as she tried to advocate for her son. "I won't allow you to come into my house and make the noise you're making right now. This is a respected household, I won't stand for this. Jermaine, what did you do to my daughter? Speak up like a man and stop letting your mom talk for you" he said in half Zulu, half English. I could tell Jermaine wasn't ready to talk about this. He just realised that I didn't tell my dad anything and that he will ruin his own reputation. I felt bad for him in the moment, both our parents are unforgiving. His mom will feel betrayed and my dad will never forgive him for this, no matter what he does.

"I cheated on Naledi" he blurted out and his quickly mom turned to him. "You did what?" My dad shouted and I held his hand. "Dad, calm down please, I beg you" I asked him. A slap landed on his face and his mother looked furiously disappointed. "How could you do such a thing Jermaine!" She shouted at him. "Did I not raise you well enough to know that a grown man doesn't do that!" She shouted. I could tell this goes way deep, a mother wouldn't just slap his grown son, especially Nia. She doesn't look like the type to.

"How did she find out?" She asked him and he couldn't talk about this, it's worse. How I found out is worse than the actual crime. He didn't want to say anything so she looked at me and I looked at Jermaine with so much guilt, I felt sorry for him. "Naledi, speak!" She pressured me and my dad looked at me too. "I... he. He wasn't answering his phone throughout the whole day so I went to his house and when I walked in, he was having sex with Marissa." I said as I looked down at my fingers.

"You're just like your father!" She said as she pushed his head. "Disgusting Jermaine!" She said. "You have some nerve to come into my house this morning and think you're going to pin this all on my daughter. I will never forgive you for this!" My dad spoke and we all sat in silence.
"What did you achieve from this Jermaine?" Nia asked and he couldn't even look at her.

"You're not even sorry for this!" My dad said. "I am, I'm truly sorry Naledi. What I did was wrong in so many ways. I want you to remember one thing though. I love you, so much and nothing will ever change that. I'm sorry I betrayed your trust and made you believe you're better off without me" he said and I felt a tear roll down my face. "I beg you Naledi, please don't cut me off. You're carrying my life. I don't ever want to lose that. It's fine, break up with me, it hurts to lose you but to lose both of you is worse" he said as he kneeled down in front of me and I saw the sincerity in his eyes.

"How many times did you have sex with Marissa" I asked, gaining the sudden confidence to talk about this. I know it made my dad uncomfortable, as a Zulu man, hearing your daughter talk about sex in front of you must be a form of disrespect but I didn't care, I had to know. "I'm coming back" my dad left and so did Nia. "Naledi, please" he begged and I felt my heart stop for a while. "Answer me Jermaine" I asked and he looked down.

"That doesn't matter though. Why should it matter?" He asked and I rolled my eyes. "It matters if I say it does Jermaine. You don't just fuck people over and call the shots too" I said and he sighed. "We had sex ever since she wanted to move away" he said and my heart dropped. I felt my tears rush down my face and I scrunched my face in confusion. "All this time Jermaine? All this time you've been having sex with both of us? Lying to me? Sneaking? And you want access to your child with this kind of behaviour?" I asked him while I cried.

"I loved you, gave you everything, my all. I was willing to make it work. I wanted it to work Jermaine. I was loyal and honest with you at all times while you were out having an affair with your baby mama? No wonder why you kept bringing her scent back home." I said not believing it. "Naledi" he called as I stood up and paced around the living room. "Don't Naledi me Jermaine. What is it? You want her now?" I asked and he kept quiet. I threw my head back as I cried even more. "Get out" I asked and he stood up and walked towards me.

"Marissa's crazy" he tried to justify his decision and I couldn't believe it. "You don't stay with a crazy person you walk away" I said as my voice went louder. "She's gonna take my child away from me" he said and I shake my head in disagreement. "There's lawyers for that Jermaine. There's lawyers, baby" I cried when I started to think about losing him to Marissa. I started thinking about how serious he is about leaving me for Marissa. He doesn't see my worth at all? He doesn't want to come back to me anymore? I walked towards him and held the side of his face and looked deep into his eyes.

"Jermaine please" I begged softly and he held me. "Fight for us" I begged him. He looked me in the eyes and I could tell he has his doubts. "Baby please?" I said as I cried more and he just hugged me. "Marissa, Jermaine? Marissa? No baby no! I'm not letting you go to her!" I said. "Don't think of it like that" he said and I pushed him away. "Think of it like how? You want to leave me for Marissa, it's not happening. I know I said I don't want you in my child's life, I meant it if you're going to be destructive, like going back to Marissa or cheating on me and mistreating me." I explained.

"Leave Jermaine. Leave if you're going to be with her leave!" I raised my voice and he stood in front of me trying to calm me down. "I don't wanna see you again! Ever! We'll communicate through your mother!" I said as I walked away. "You irritate me when you act like this Jermaine! Why did you have to ruin a good thing! Did you even love me?" I asked and he walked towards me. "Don't ever question my love for you Naledi" he said. "I might as well since you just left me for her so easily. I was just your sex doll" I said and he got frustrated.

"Naledi that's not what happened!" He raised his voice. "I saw what the fuck happened Jermaine and you let her ride you! You let her own it, sit on it like it's HER throne! You cheated on me Jermaine... how is that love!" I asked. "If that's how you wanna think of it, then okay" he said as he walked towards the door and shut it once he left. How could he just flip the script and expect me not to be mad at his actions? How do you cheat on someone and expect them to be okay about it? It's toxic behaviour! He's over me, he's tired of me and everything I have, including my baby.

I don't know what to think anymore, it feels like he is leaving me for his family. I gave him a h ch since to come clean and fall back in but he just doesn't want to. Maybe I was just his sex toy for real, maybe he never cared about me and he is just doing the right thing by keeping this baby. We had it all, we were prepared to grow together but he had to fuck it up and fall for Marissa. I don't buy the whole 'she's crazy' thing. If he really wanted to, he would and he's not. I'm carrying his baby and he still isn't. My phone rang and I checked to see who's calling me, it's Kabelo so I answered. He sounded in distress as he asked me to come to the Netcare hospital.

"I called your Uber, please hurry" he said and I was concerned