Love on the brain

The Worst

Sunday evening

"You've been ignoring me all week and you expect me to be okay? You expect me to smile with you. I will not Kabelo! What you did was wrong and you just can't admit it." I said as I threw my hands in the air out of frustration. I could literally throw a chair at this man. He is just sitting there staring at me like I'm crazy.

"Now you don't have anything to say but yet you've done so much!" I yelled as I paced up and down his room. "You have your mind made up, what more do you want me to say. How many times must I tell you she's a kid?" He yelled back in frustration. I looked at him with full disbelief, I looked at him like he didn't tell me years back he had a crush on this girl and because I've been gaslit this whole entire time I believed I was dreaming.

"So what? You want me to apologise to you for not trusting you?" My voice was shaking, I could feel the tears form. "No you just tell me what you want us to do from this point on. I hear all the problems you're raising but what's the solution?" He asked me, unbothered and very nonchalant. "We in this together are we not? Tell me we're not. You can't expect me to give you solutions when we're both in a situationship" I said.

"Im sorry Pookie, I'm sorry for not trusting you, I'm sorry for not believing in you" I said, I shrugged, I was defeated. "No don't say sorry Brat, don't. I just need you to tell me what you wanna do about it. I don't have all night, I'm writing tomorrow" he said and I felt a tear drop, my heart was aching and my body was tense from the anger and frustration.

"Why can't you just be with me Kabelo? You'd... you would rather die than be with me" I said, quoting Daphne from bridgerton."All I know, is I will not be with somebody who doesn't trust me" he said and it left me stunned to speak. I looked at him not look at me, my mouth dropped opened slightly and I felt more tears fall down my face. I grabbed my hoodie and my phone and stormed out the room.

I called an Uber and it came to fetch me. That's the answer I needed, that's the clarity I needed but it hurt me. What happened to the "I'm ready to be with you" Kabelo? What happened to my Pookie, the one I love so much. I had no energy to talk to the Uber, I was drained, I was tired and I was extremely sad that the man I love would rather die than be with me.

I got home and went straight to my bedroom and bawled my eyes out. I randomly remembered the time i couldn't eat because of him. I fell sick, and still continued not to eat. I would do anything for that man, but he doesn't see it. I just have to walk away because if I don't I will go insane.

Monday morning

"You're early" Mr Handsome commented as I laid on my arms in his classroom. I slowly looked up at him with no emotions really and just nodded. "What do your students call you?" I asked because I just realised I don't know his name or surname.

"My name is Jermaine Sage" he commented with a smile. "Is this your style? You're a sweats and oversized hoodie type of girl? Or do you really miss your boyfriend?" He continued to ask as he sat on the edge of his front desk and looked down at me.

I scrunched my face before laughing because that's the most unhinged, unexpected thing to say. "What makes you think I have a boyfriend?" I sat up straight making eye contact with him. "I'm fishing for information" he said and I chuckled as I shook my head. "Mr J, this is not my 'boyfriends' hoodie, it's mine for days like these, I..." we got interrupted by students that entered the lecture room.

He chuckled before standing up and walking to the board. He makes me forget about my problems and that's what I like. He greeted the other students and I could tell he was a fun lecturer. "Did you guys finish my homework?" He asked and everyone seemed to know what he's talking about but me. I looked confused and opened my book, turned to check if there maybe something I somehow did unconsciously.

"Ms Dlamini is my work done?" He asked me without looking at me and I softly said no. "Use your voice" he commanded very firmly and assertive, he looked at me with his serious face, his lecture face and I said no. He looked so sexy, he sounded sexy too, what am I doing thinking these things, he's my lecturer. "It's all that daydreaming you do in my class, I'd like to get to the bottom of your distractions" he said and my mind was blown away.

Is he actively making a move on me without making a move on me? Is he serious right now? Why did he say it like that? Like yeah sure, get under my distraction daddy, I'd like to see you do that! My facial expressions didn't show what I was thinking. I just nodded my head in 'fear' and carried on reading.

"I thought I told you to stay after class" he said from his desk as I started packing up my books. "I genuinely didn't know there was homework" I said and he walked towards me and I felt my heart beat. "I need you to focus. The inconsistency in this field your pursuing isn't going to get you anywhere" he said and my heart raced, my breathing trembled as he got too close to me.

"I am focused sir..."
"Then show me" he said with his husky voice, I could smell his cologne, that's how close he was to me. The eye contact we held was enough to get me pregnant. He crossed his arms, revealing his bulky body through his black shirt. I looked up at him as he held a serious face.

"You're dismissed" he said before looking at my lips and back at my eyes. He walked away as he rubbed his chin, grabbed his phone and went to the lecture office, is he crazy? I thought. I have to tell Mo about this