Love on the brain

Flaws and All

"Hey baby" I held my tiny baby. "Hey Magnolia" I whispered as I cried and Jermaine looked at me with tears in his eyes. "Hey mama" I said, brushing her soft black hair. "Oh you are such a beautiful girl" I said as I continued to brush her hair. I looked at Jermaine and he kissed me with so much passion. "Thank you" he said referencing the name. "She came back as our daughter" I whispered.

Jermaine cut the umbilical cord and everything happened, uncomfortable experience but I was so happy to be with my baby. "You didn't tear, well done mommy" the midwife said and I smiled, that's weird.

After what felt like eternity, the medical team finally finished their procedures. They transferred me to a cozy suite where visitors were allowed to meet the newborn. As we settled in, my mom, Lwandle and Amo came in holding Balloons and gifts. "Oh my gosh sis, congratulations" Lwandle spoke as she walked over to the baby. Jermaine walked out but before walking out my mom gave him a hug. "Oh my sweet child" my mom said as she hugged me and asked me if I'm okay. "I'm just tired" I said as I looked at Mo awkwardly stand there.

"Are you just gonna stand over there like the freak you are or are you gonna come see your goddaughter?" I asked her and she hugged me. "Well done best friend" she said and I nodded. They were all standing next to my baby, admiring her. "What's her name" they asked me and I smiled. "Magnolia" I said and my mom awkwardly smiled. "What mom?" I asked. "Your dad won't be pleased" she said and I laughed. "That's the second name, dad will give her the first one" I said and they were all relieved.

After a few minutes, they all left and I held Magnolia in my arms and admired her. Kabelo walked in with gift bags and a huge bouquet. "Hey Brat" he said and I smiled with tears in my eyes. "I told you you'd make it" he said, his voice raspy and low. He gave me a hug and sat beside me. "You wanna carry her" I asked him and he shook his head as he couldn't believe his eyes. "I knew it would be a girl" he said and I laughed at him. "Not you lying through your teeth" I said and he smiled as he covered his mouth.

"You're a mother brat!" He said with a gentle smile on his face. I smiled as I nodded my head, "I am." I felt mixed emotions as Kabelo gazed at me, he stood up and held Magnolia in his arms and I smiled. "Hey nugget" he said and I rolled my eyes. "Motherhood suits you, you look amazing" his voice barely above a whisper. I blushed as I felt my heart skip a beat.

For a moment, he looked up from Magnolia and looked at me, we were lost in each other's eyes. Our vulnerability, the world outside melted away, leaving us two people bound by love, history, and now, shared a moment of wonder. He smiled, his eyes never left mine and the silence between us grew. Jermaine entered the room and he was not please to see Kabelo holding his daughter. Kabelo looked down at Magnolia and put her in her crib gently. "Congratulations again, Naledi. She's beautiful" he said softly before walking right past Jermaine, leaving the room.

I was left uncertain of my feelings about him. I just gave birth to Jermaine's daughter but I feel nothing for Jermaine, he didn't make me feel like I could just fall in love again. Seeing Kabelo, hold my baby made me think, a thought I hate to entertain, but what if it was him, my baby's father, my man. "Ms Jackson, is devastated. She doesn't know how to feel, she wants to come see you but she feels overwhelmed" he said as he sat in the bed with me.

"I'm so happy you're the mother of my baby. Thank you for bringing her in my life" he said as he held my hand. We sat there, prayed and spoke about our plans moving forward. We heard a knock at the door and Jermaine went to answer it, it was Ms Jackson and Jabari. Ms Jackson has swollen and puffy eyes, she really lost her best friend. "Hey pretty girl" she smiled and I felt my heart shatter in a thousand pieces. "Hey" I said as I hugged her and she quickly broke from the hug to see my baby.

"Congratulations sis" Jabari said and I wanted to laugh so badly. "Thank you bro" I mocked him and he chuckled effortlessly. "I'm an uncle" he said as he hugged Jermaine and watched his aunt carry the baby. "Oh Magnolia" she said as she held my baby. Tears fell down her face and I could tell she was beyond devastated. Nia left us on her birthday, and God blessed us with an angel on the very same day. I've heard people say, when someone dies and child is born and I saw it happen right in front of my eyes.

As the night arrived, dinner was served and it was just me, Jermaine and our little angel. Jermaine fed me while we had silence in our room. "Magnolia barely cries" I said with a smile. "You cried enough during your pregnancy I think she felt it" Jermaine spoke. We heard a knock at the door and my dad entered with gifts. "Hey Ntombi" he said and I smiled. "Hey Jermaine" he said as he hugged him for the first time. "I heard about your mother, I'm sorry man. She was a great woman" he added before picking up our baby girl.

He looked at her for a while and observed her in silence. He was connecting with his first granddaughter and when I think how far I've come with her, from my dad not accepting it, falling with her so many times to her being celebrated and appreciated.

"Sawubona Liyana"

My dad gave her such a beautiful name, I smiled at Jermaine and looked back at my dad. "Liyana Magnolia Sage" I said and they both nodded even though I know my dad doesn't like my daughter have 2 names. "Thank you dad" I said as he held me close and gave me a hug. We sat there and we spoke about our plan moving forward.

"Bye daddy" I said to him as he left and Liyana started crying by again. "Oh you wanted to leave with your grandfather" I said as I picked her up and took off my gown so I can hold her to my skin while I attempt to breastfeed her. The nurse walked in and helped me soothe her and showed me what I need to do when this happens.

Once I looked over to Jermaine I noticed he was fast asleep and I understood his exhaustion. He had too many thoughts running and emotions flying around, I'd also be exhausted, well I am but I'm curious about what Kabelo got us. I tried sitting up, I walked to the gifts and brought them to my bed so I can easily check them.

I opened one gift and it was a white blanket that had Nugget written in silver on the boarders of the blanket. I smiled when I smelt it and it smelt a bit like him. I put it back in the bag and pulled out a tiny box, it had a bracelet that had "Nugget" engraved and I was stunned, it was so cute and tiny, I wonder how she's going to grow with it. I smiled as I looked through the bags. I opened the last box and it was a box full of rose petal, actual rose petals, and a card. I opened the card and it had a bunch of words written.

Dear Naledi

You're the one who's always writing me love letters and all the sentimental stuff, pouring your heart out on paper so now it's my turn.

It's not a secret that I'm fucked up. I've been messing things up for a while now, and yet you find it in your heart to forgive me. Your patience is maddening. That's what makes me love you, but it also scares me. What if I keep hurting you?

I'm done playing games, Naledi. I'm done running. We've been at it for 3 years, onto 4, dancing around each other, getting to know each other's quirks and flaws. You know me better than I know myself.  I'm swallowing my pride and committing to you.

You're the only one I want and I've been lying to myself saying you're not. You're the end game.  It's a terrifying thought, but it's true. I think we should shut everyone out and just enjoy each other's company. Just us.

I know this is crazy, but I want to prove myself to you, I owe it to you. I want to prove to myself that I can be all in. Let's elope, no looking back, no judgement, no expectations. With you, I feel like I can be that person. You make me want to be better.

We can talk about the details later, maybe it's too soon, maybe it's not, but this is me trying to show you how serious I am. I've disappointed you so many times that I don't want to do that anymore Brat. I'm not good at this vulnerability, love, feelings thing but for you. I feel like I can.
Look under the rose petals

Yours truly
Pookie

I wiped my tears as I put the letter to the side and searched the bottom of the rose petal and a small box. I opened the box and it was a small diamond cut ring from Lovisa. My eyes grew wide, my jaws dropped and I felt my heart sink. Kabelo has never done this for me, never! I pick up my phone and call him, we need to talk about this.

Is Kabelo wilding or is his request valid?