Love on the brain

Love drought

6 months later

I adored my ring as I sat in bed, journaling, waiting for Kabelo to come back. The babies were sleeping, Ona slept next to me and Liya slept in her cot. 

Pookie🖤

Pookie?
When are you coming back?
Please bring a pack of pampers
I think Liya is getting sick😩
Pookie?!

Video call
No answer

Kabelo, seriously, answer your phone!
It's been 5 hours now!
You know better than this!

Video call
No answer

I stared at these messages before deleting all of them. I heard the keys downstairs and I went to him. I stomped down the stairs and I pushed him when I got downstairs. "What the fuck is wrong with you" I said, I could tell he was high out of his mind but he wasn't drunk. "I've been calling you this whole day, where were you?" I asked, raising my voice but not too loud so the kids don't wake up.

"I told you I was with Jay" he answered, trying  to walk past me. "Don't walk away while I'm talking to you!" I said as I followed him to the kitchen. "Naledi you should be glad I'm back home hey. I'm just saying, some people don't come back at all... some fathers actually" he emphasised fathers before laughing and I shook my head. I felt defeated, all I can do at this point is just be mad at him and go home first thing tomorrow.

Kabelo's stepdad recently bought him an apartment closer to his school which is closer to my school. I don't live with him, I visited him for the weekend. I went back to school, I am up and running. Liya is my new motivation to do well in school and progress. I got the IUD immediately when I healed and I officially haven't had sex for about 9 months now or 10. Jermaine and I are professional Co-parents. He has his new girlfriend, Palesa Mokwena, a famous South African actress. I honestly don't know how they started dating but it's working for them. I'm comfortable with her around my baby.

My mom got a nanny to take care of her while I'm gone. Kabelo and I, I wouldn't call him my fiancé, but we're on that road. I told him we can only get married when I'm done with school and that's in 3 years from now. Everything is perfect, there hasn't been lies, gaslighting and girls it's just been us and our babies... until now

"Who is she?" I asked and he scrunched his face as he gulped down the water. "There you go again with your insecurities" he said and I threw my slipper at him. "Call me insecure one more fucking time I swear" I shouted and he smirked a bit. "I dare you Kabelo. All you know is how to disrespect me nowadays, so who the fuck is she" I asked as I banged on the counter. I was fed up. Everything was perfect and he just had to fuck it up today.

"Believe what you want to believe" he said trying to walk upstairs and I pushed him back until his back hit the fridge. "I'm not playing with you Kabelo. You're gonna tell me or else I'll look through this phone!" I threatened and he smiled. "You're so sexy when you get mad and stuff" he said as he moved passed me and sat on the barstool. "Before you cry, I was chilling with Jay and his other friends, getting high, watching the game, you know, the usual. I realised it was getting late and my phone died" he said as he grabbed his phone and tried to switch it on. "But since you don't trust me, you can charge it, check it and carry on accusing me of things I never did" he said as he stood up and went upstairs.

I sat there feeling stupid for some odd reason. Why do I always jump into conclusions. I'll just check his phone. I switched off all the lights and got into the room and he was taking a shower. Till this day, 4 years later, Kabelo and I haven't seen other naked or even been physical. I find it weird that we have so many opportunities to do it and we don't. It used to make me feel insecure, like maybe there's something with me. If he isn't having sex with me, who is he having sex with.

Maybe we should do it tomorrow, make up sex. I'll drop the kids off at their grannies or I'll call the nanny to look after them so we can have sex or atleast talk about it. I waited for him to finish so we can talk about this. His phone switched on and I started searching everything. He had so many missed calls from his mother and messages that flooded his phone and I sighed, he really wasn't up to anything.

"You know I hate it when you ignore me Kabelo, I've hated it for 4 years, I'll always hate it" I said to him as I massaged his shoulders while he got moisturised. I moisturised his back while he was talking about trust and me not trusting him. "Pookie it's not that I don't trust you, you know our relationship is built on trust issues and trauma and we're working on it." I reminded as I gently kissed his neck.

"You need to trust me Brat" he said and I shrugged. "It takes time and good behaviour. You going off all day without telling me is not good behaviour. You have kids now, you don't have the time to be chilling with your childless friends and forgetting you have kids" I said and he chuckled. "They have you, that's all that matters" and I laughed out loud, "oh please Kabelo, stop" I said and I got off the bed and he gently pushed me to his lap. "I'm never leaving you" he reassured me as he kissed me. Oh, I wanted more. His gentle kiss with his soft lips tempted me to get more. The hand placement was good, I really have to go through with this tomorrow.

I got off his lap after a semi long kissing session, I moved Ona to her crib next to me and got into bed and cuddled with Kabelo, something we both hate doing but we do it to connect. "I'm sorry for talking to you the way I did" he said and I nodded. "You're forgiven, as always" I joked as we both fell asleep in each others arms.