Love on the brain

Pray you catch me

Ever since I copped you all that I've you got no chill

I stood there, in my kitchen, frozen and my hand grasping the door handle. I don't even think I'm breathing at this point. I looked over to an unbearable scene in front of me. Jermaine, Jer-mine, my man, my love, my baby's father laying on the couch, getting his soul snatched by his baby mama, Marissa. I saw him grip her waist as she kept throwing it back. There was a lot of passion and pleasure, he was at his happiest. "Just like that baby" he groaned, sounding like he was fucking me. They were fucking in the very same spot we were fucking a week ago.

He was fucking our future away, fucking our relationship away, fucking her like nothing ever mattered between us. It's always been her and it will always be her. I don't mind him fucking this girl, going back to her but why lie? Why cheat on me?

Five minutes felt like a lifetime, I was surrounded by the sounds of heavy breathing and muffled moans from the couch. "Yes daddy, deeper" she screamed and I felt the paralysis give away to extreme rage.

I started laughing with tears in my face and I clapped my hands as I felt them shake. Jermaine and Marissa sprang apart, shocked to see me. Marissa's smiled slightly while Jermaine's eyes widened in panic. "Baby I-" he said but I stopped him.

"What the fuck is this Jermaine" I screamed, he has never heard me scream this loud. "Baby? Don't fucking baby me? You call her baby and fuck around and call me that too?" I yell at him and he slowly tried to walk towards me. "You... you still doing this? Disrespecting me and playing games with me in my face Jermaine?" My voice crackled. "After every fucking thing, you're still fucking her?" I ask him as I tilt my head slightly.

"Naledi, it doesn't mean anything" he said and I scrunched my face in disgust. "It doesn't mean anything? You've been fucking her this whole entire day and God knows for how long, and you call that nothing? You piss me the fuck off I'm telling you!" I shout as I point in his face. I paced up and down before walking up to him, leaving no space between us, just to look at him in his face. My face was filled with tears, "baby, I need you to listen to me" he said trying to hold my hand but instead I slapped him. "You disgust me" I said, not stuttering and I said this in a firm and clear tone so he understands me.

"Listen to me. I'm pregnant with your child, my fucking cervix is bruised and your dumb ass is cheating on me Jermaine, on your baby? With her?" I say as I squint my eyes. "You will never, and I mean ever, see my baby in your life" I say to him calmly as I wipe my tears and walk away. He grabbed my hand and I took it quickly. "Naledi you can't do that" he said and I kept quiet as I walked out the house. I walked down the stairs and Kabelo was smoking his blunt by the car, I saw him from upstairs.

"Naledi you can't do that!" He yelled and I continued walking down the stairs until I felt his keys in my pocket. I walked towards Kabelo and he looked calm, like he knew what happened. Jermaine was following me and I held the keys in a tight fist and turned around and threw them to him with every ounce of anger in my body and they hit him on his face. "Stay the fuck away from me, with your lying, deceiving, cheating ass! I hate you!" I said as I pushed him away and I noticed he was bleeding but I didn't car. "You're a fucked up, diabolical human fucking being Jermaine!" I screamed as I got in the car and left him there.

I got in the car and held my chest as I felt dizzy and light headed. "Just drive Kabelo, please?" I asked him nicely and he did. "Let's ditch Kedi's party." He suggested and I just ignored him. What the fuck just happened? All of a sudden I wanna know why he did that and when did it start. That's probably why she never left because she got dickmatised.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asked and I shrugged, "I found him fucking his baby mama".

How could he do this to me? To us? His unborn baby? He looked at Marissa with the same enthusiasm, thrill, excitement that he looks at me with. It was like he was in love with her, like he adores her like he once did with me. Memories flooded my mind, our laughter, our late night conversations, our physical chemistry and our dreams for a future together. Oh my poor baby, how will I bring you in a world without a dad, or a dad who can't commit to us? We'll always be his number 2 and that's the mistake I made when I let him undress me in his office that day.

I fell asleep in the car as Kabelo drove and I got tired of being in my head.