Love on the brain

Baby

2 months later

I sat on the couch, reading Kabelo's message: "Rain check?" our movie date was supposed to happen today. I was so excited for our first date ever, a movie date even! I had planned my whole outfit, but I should've known when he wasn't talking about it all week like I thought about it.

I ignored him and went back to watching Netflix. It's been 2 months since Kabelo and I were trying something new, he still hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend. Everything is peaceful between us, we're always off the phone together and he has trusted me with his emotions lately. He recently expressed how hard it was and still is growing up without a father. His father is absent. I feel bad for him, that's probably why he is the way he is but listening to him is all I can do for now.

I successfully moved to Johannesburg and I live with my dad and my half sister, Lwandle. It has been an emotional rollercoaster, the adjustment is hard. My dad enrolled me in a short but not so short course, a civil engineering one and now I'm basically in school when I was so determined to take a break.

"No school today?" My dad asked as I passed his office and continued to walk down the stairs. It's a Friday and Fridays are my off days, I catch up on the week's work on a Friday and make my extra notes. I was honestly frustrated that Kabelo cancelled on me. He was supposed to spoil me today but he couldn't. I wonder what he'll be doing instead. I made my way to the patio outside just to reconnect with nature, for 2 minutes, just 2, I need it or else I'll lose my mind.

Being loyal to one man, a man who keeps promising you heaven on earth but fails to deliver is the worst. Why can't I break free from it? It's so hard. I wish I could meet someone who'll make me forget about Kabelo completely. I need someone who'll focus on me and reciprocate the energy and love I give. Am I falling for the same trap again right now? It's been 2 months and it's as if he never mentioned being with me officially.

I'm a fool, I'm clearly a fool. He always does this. I try so hard to understand his fear but I've been trying to prove to him for 3 years that there's nothing to be afraid of. I love him so much I wouldn't leave. I wanna watch him become a better person, if I could I wanna grow old with him, I'd do anything for that boy. I want to carry his kids, live a life together. We would make a beautiful couple and good parents. There would be a balance, I'd be the strict parent and he'd be the cool parent.

We spoke about this once, we honestly talk about it a lot. I would always say "one day I'll have my kids" and he'd correct me "no, our kids. You're having my babies Naledi." If we were sexually active with each other, we would be pregnant by now or we'd have kids together. That's my man, I don't care what everyone else says, that's mine. Our love is golden, rare but golden. I pick up my phone and scroll through our pictures and videos together on FaceTime, I miss him.

I can't stay mad at him, I thought as I rang his phone. I need him to answer because I miss him. "Hello" he said and I smiled. "Hey, what are you up to?" I asked and he said he's just chilling. "I miss you so much! I wish I was seeing you today. I'm actually sad you cancelled" I said. " I know, I'll make it up to you" he said and I kissed him through the phone before we said our goodbyes.

The feeling that he's out there wasting his time not seeing me rather than seeing me, ate me up inside. I stood in the middle of the garden thinking about whether i want this for myself. I know I romanticise everything this man does and I might come across delusional. He is only human, I might be expecting him to be superman and give me the world when he can't even give it to himself and I've been doing that. He has been telling me the truth about himself. This man has never lied to me about his intentions and how he is ever. It's my choice to stay here with him, by his side and I will stay!

That's my man

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One thing about Naledi? She will endure and stand by her man. What your thoughts on that?

Team Kabelo?