Love on the brain

From Time

We arrived at my parents house and I felt my stomach rumble. I've seen them over the course of the months but know that they have to talk to Jermaine's mom about the Zulu tradition and everything, I feel like the Earth could open up and swallow me.

"Knock knock" I nervously spoke as I slowly opened the door and the guests walked in. It smelt like seven colours, beetroot, potato salad, pumpkin, beef stew and rice maybe or pap etc. I could tell my mom cooked a full African meal. "Hey nana" my mom said as she hugged me.
"Mom, this is Ms Sage, Jermaine's mom and Ms Jackson, Jermaine's aunt" I introduced them and my mom shook their hands. "It's nice to meet you"my mom said.

My mom is the only parent who loosened up a bit, surprisingly. Both my parents hate that I live with Jermaine, that's also why they're having this meeting. It's still awkward with my parents, I don't talk to them regularly like I used to, now we just talk when we have to. My dad walked in with my uncle, his brother, and the room went quiet. I greeted my uncle but I could tell he was not pleased at all. I went to the kitchen to escape from this situation. Jermaine was standing with his mom, greeting my dad and my uncle.

"I don't want the kids in this area, we're talking as adults" my uncle ordered in Zulu and I just explained to Jermaine that we have to go outside while they talk. We went to the garden after grabbing some snacks from the cabinet. "Can we talk about what happened earlier on?" Jermaine asked me as I sat on the patio couch and he sat next to me.

"Jermaine, how many times do we talk about this? You speaking your mind without thinking and harbouring emotions and not communicating?" I asked calmly. "If being with me, being a dad and being a lecturer is all the same type of pain and suffering, I'd like to release the pain. At least like that, I know I don't contribute to your pain and suffering." I said as I continued to eat.

"Babe, I didn't mean it like that" I said it with him before laughing. "What's the real problem here Jermaine?" I asked finally looking at him. "Nothings wrong, I was just under pressure and I had a lot of stress and anxiety because our families are meeting. I didn't know what to expect." He gave me a lame excuse and I crossed my arms. "I had the same worries too, but I didn't say, you don't know how to please me or carrying your child is a full time job to be talking to you all the time." I said as I slightly tilted my head.

He was trying to read my face if I'm being honest or sarcastic. "You've been keeping quiet too" he said and I shook my head. "It's an example. I'm in a relationship where I think everything is perfect but you're harbouring emotions and struggles. That counts as you being dishonest because you're not telling me anything but it affects you. I tell you all the time Jermaine. How  are we supposed to grow together as one if you keep hiding shit from me and then bursting out of anger or frustration every now and then?" I asked him and he just kept staring into my eyes.

"Trouble in paradise?" I heard my sister speak as she walked towards us. "The parents are fighting" she said and I quickly stood on my two feet. "Fighting about what?" I said, I was so anxious. I wanted everything to go well. "Your uncle and your dad low-key insulted Jermaine's mom about  Jermaine's father or something like that" Lwandle said, very unbothered, very calmly.

Jermaine's face scrunched and tried to walk towards the house. "Jermaine wait" I said as I grabbed his arm and he turned to look at me. I know he had the urge to defend his mom but they're adults, they can talk it out, hopefully. I said that to him and kept pacing up and down. "Why don't you like talking about your dad?" I asked him and he shook his head in distress. "He abandoned us, how am I supposed to talk about a man who's non-existent?" He rhetorically asked and I gave him a hug.

"That's why I have to show up for our little love bug, I can't have them ask why I left and dumb ass questions like that" he said as he gently held my stomach. As much as our relationship may be shaky and I'm unsure about his commitment to this relationship, I know he'll always show up for his kids, I know he would do anything to be with his kids and that's what I love about him. "You're gonna be a great dad, you are a great dad" I said before laughing softly and he looked down at me. He kissed me and I smiled while kissing him, "we do need to finish off our conversation though."

"Did you guys fix your problems?" Lwandle asked and I shook my head before laughing. We sat down with her and this is officially the first time Jermaine and Lwandle sit together. "Do you have a man Lwandle? How's your love life?" He asked. "It's shaky, I'm with a man who's still in love with their ex. It's so crazy, yesterday he asked me if we could open up the relationship" she said and I was concerned. "That's room for diseases and all the crazy shit" I said as I took a sip of my fruit juice.

Jermaine gave her advice on how to navigate that situation and I honestly wasn't listening, I was focused on Tshepang's text telling me she misses me and she hasn't seen me in months which isn't right. I've been waiting for this meeting to happen so I can announce my pregnancy and tell my friends about it. I can't just tell my friends knowing nicely that at home it's not even accepted. I know Kedi is going to be shocked that our lecturer got me pregnant and is my boyfriend.

The meeting was over, Jermaine's mom wanted to talk to him so they spoke in private while I went inside to go get the information from my mom. I walked inside and I could tell it was tense. My uncle was somewhat not impressed but it had to be done. "You have to come back home" my mom said and I felt my heart drop. "That is not your husband, he refused to pay lobola" my uncle said and I was confused. "How? Why would he need to pay lobola?" I asked and my uncle looked at me with a frown.

"He got you pregnant, the honourable thing to do is marry you but he said no" my uncle said and I knew when he said 'he', he meant Jermaine's mom and aunt. I shook my head before turning to my mom. "May I sleep over at his house until tomorrow or Monday?" I asked and she hesitantly agreed. I smiled before hugging her and walking to the front yard.