47 , melancholy thinking

42 2 2
                                        


Tony and Pepper left the compound the next day for their week long honeymoon, and it was decided that I'd leave a day or two after they were back, so I got to say goodbye to them as well. Of course, I couldn't exactly say that I didn't want that, so I agreed to the plan that Tony suggested, trying not to give away my true emotions at the thought. I spent a lot of time with my parents the first few days that Tony and Pepper were gone, one because I knew that this was the last time they would be able to meet me and two... because I was trying my best to stay away from Loki for my time left in the compound, too scared that I was going to do something stupid right before I left. I couldn't bare to do that to myself, and had to keep reminding myself that I only had a week left to endure having to be around him before I could live in peace for the rest of my life, knowing that the god would at least have a fond memory of me for his life.

It was strange, and I wished that I could just enjoy the time that I had with Loki without worrying, but I couldn't help start overthinking every little thing whenever I was around him and knew he would be able to tell something was wrong if I spent too long around him. I knew Loki wasn't stupid, and he knew very well what would have happened between us the day of the wedding if I hadn't gotten scared and moved away—but it seemed neither of us wanted to address it, and it was probably for the best anyway. I could quite easily try and convince myself that we could really be something more than two people from different universes... but it wasn't any secret that Loki was a god, and I was just a mortal girl. He would live for thousands and thousands of years even after I was gone, and that wasn't a relationship in the making. It was just a stupid thought that someone like him and someone like me could ever work together.

I had heard Thor speak about his relationship with Jane almost nonstop whenever I was around him, sure, but Thor was different. He had even talked about giving up his immortality for the woman many times, since that was apparently the only way it was allowed for an Asgardian to marry someone from Midgard, but then that was Thor... and as much as I could quite easily picture the man doing something like that for live, that just was not who Loki was. It wasn't that I didn't know he was a good person, because I very much did—but his power and god-hood was something I also knew exactly how much he cherished. That was... who he was. That was who Loki knew himself to be, and even though I could see someone like Thor leading a normal life with Jane Foster, I couldn't say the same for Loki. But that was alright, and instead of being sad about it, I made sure to inform Thor about everything that happened with Jane in his later movies to make sure he could avoid her ever picking up the hammer. I could see how much he loved her, and I would do whatever I could to give the two of them a different fate than the one Marvel had chosen. Both of the brothers had been through so much in their life, and if the world let me... I wanted to do whatever I could to give them some peace before I left.

It wasn't something that I was proud of, but ever since the stones had been brought back to the compound after the battle and kept in Tony's lab—ready for Steve to take them back to their homes whenever Tony got another time machine ready after he was back from his trip, I had secretly been waiting for Loki to go back to Asgard since he had been cleared by Odin to return there whenever he wished after the battle. But... he hadn't. In fact, he had made it quite clear that he'd started enjoying staying at the compound and hadn't said anything about plans of returning back to the golden city. And while most of my heart absolutely loved seeing the god get along with the avengers so well for what it meant would happen once I had left, I knew him sticking around also meant that I could barely walk around the compound without worrying about seeing him somewhere and having to talk—which is why I had resorted to spending a lot of time at my parents house. And maybe I was a coward for it—maybe I was a scared stupid girl who was running away from her problems, thinking that doing that would solve them all but was just setting herself up for failure in the future... but I really couldn't go about it in any other way, I knew that much.

ACATALEPSY ➺ lokiWhere stories live. Discover now