Querencia

Thirty three

Dynasty - MIA

Alex's POV

I stared at the blade before me internally debating on whether or not I should go down this path again.

It had been years since I felt like this, years since I got out of control.

I hadn't felt like this in a long time, it felt even worse than when I was 9. It felt more like 14 to me.

Flashback

"How did you feel when you did it?" Dr Lincoln asked despite knowing I wouldn't reply him.

He seemed satisfied by my silence and scribbled on his clipboard.

"Okay let me rephrase the statement, how did you feel when you killed him?" He asked earning a wry smile from me.

"I couldn't feel" I replied honestly.

Dr Lincoln hummed under his breath in acknowledgement.

I wondered what was going to happen now, was I going to be sent to military school or worse still jail.

"Well our time is up, same time next week" Dr Lincoln said packing up his stationery.

I liked Dr Lincoln more than my other therapists. He didn't tend to sugarcoat or tell me what I needed to hear. He was blunt, he showed me how much of a cold hearted murderer I was and I was only 14.

....

I sat on my bathroom floor staring at the cut I had given myself. It ran from my wrist to my elbow. I was satisfied seeing the blood, I deserved it. It numbed everything for me.

I would rather harm myself than let Alexa be harmed even if it meant killing someone.

My reflection haunted me, I looked like shit. Mom and Dad couldn't even bear to look at me, but I wasn't remorseful for what I did. He deserved more than death for putting his hands on my sister. He raped her and got her pregnant, he shared her nudes on the Internet and yet they think he didn't deserve death, not on my watch though.

I laughed at how psychotic I had become. I had burned my humanity away and hell I would do it again for someone I love.

Present

I dropped the blade in my hand refusing to succumb to my morbid desire. I didn't want to go down that path again. I hated seeing Carrie hurt especially since I know she is going through the same thing Alexa went through or worse.

I was tired of playing hero with no one to save me, I could feel the overwhelming feeling of uselessness just like the very first time I watched my sister cut herself with blades, just like how I knew Alexa attempted suicide but I couldn't do anything about it. Suddenly, I was that scared 9 year old boy trying to grasp unto his reality but failed miserable.

I heard a knock on my door causing me to jump in fright before going to open the door.

"Charles" I muttered closing the door as he stepped inside.

He sat on my bed looking at me with sudden interest before saying the words I dressed the most " What happened at 14?".

I stiffened up as my whole demeanor changed. I wondered who mentioned this to him.

"I overheard Alexa talking to a doctor earlier" He clarified "plus going by your obvious change in demeanor a lot happened to you at 14...I...".

I cut him short and told him what he wanted to hear "I stabbed a guy to death at 14".