Clean

batshit crazy

❀ ʚɞ Adeline ʚɞ ❀

"So I lied, and I cried, and I watched a part of myself die"

March 2, 2005

Two months had passed since the rape.
And the memories of it were still so vivid, and so real. I was trying my best to hide the fact I was dying inside, but it seemed like every chance someone got they asked if I was alright.

And I wasn't.

"If I had to do one more jeté, I would've killed someone," Grace whined as she shoved her jumper over her head.

"Tell me about it," I sighed, slinging my schoolbag over my shoulder.

"Ladies, I have posted the cast list for Swan Lake on the bulletin board outside of the studio. Congratulations to you all, and I hope you're all ready for rehearsals," Miss Lucy announced as us girls trailed out of the studio.

"Oh my god!" Grace squealed, "We need check the list!"

I looked to the bulletin board where twenty other dancers were crowded around it.

"Good luck," I groaned.

Grace grabbed my hand and began shoving through the crowd, earning her plenty of dirty looks.

When she paused in front of it she went silent before screaming, "Oh my god, Addy!"

"What?!" I panicked.

"You got Odette! You're going to be the white swan," She screamed, the girls around us rolling their eyes in jealousy, "And I got...oh my god! I got Odile!"

"You're lying," I gaped, pushing past Grace to read the cast list.

Adeline Kavanagh: Princess Odette
Gracelyn Monroe: Odile

"Holy fuck," I gasped.

This had been Grace and I's dream since first year, when we joined the ballet program at Tommen. We were never old enough to get the leads until this year and it finally happened.

We joked our whole friendship that I was a white swan and she was a black swan and here we were playing them for real.

"It's just like we've always talked about," Grace grinned, grabbing both my shoulders and shaking me.

"I know!" I squealed, "This is going to be so fun!"

I had a smile on my face but inside I was empty. I felt numb to the bone. All I could see was Stephan's face and all I could hear was his voice. How was I supposed to perform on stage when all I could feel was him.

This was supposed to be exciting, and he ruined it.

"Can you believe Miss Lucy gave the two leading roles to fourth years," Fiona Allot snorted to her friend.

"Yeah," Grace narrowed her eyes at Fiona, "I can. Considering the fifth years are shit this year."

"Really, Gracelyn? You only got the role because Adeline is your best friend and Miss Lucy loves her," Fiona sneered.