Clean

inturrupted confessions

ﾟ:* ✶ Gibsie ✶ ﾟ:*

March 15, 2005

Staring at the ceiling in my room, I felt my heart rate spike. I'd stared at the ceiling too many times throughout my childhood, and that was the problem.

A ceiling was so obscure—something no one would think to be traumatizing—but it was. I hated it. It reminded me of the terror I felt when I was seven years old and my step-brother snuck into my room to touch me in ways that no one should ever be touched.

That's a big part of why I was Gibsie. Why would I want to be fucked up Gerard when I could be Gibsie the fuck up? Nothing could hurt me when I was Gibsie, because he was my armour and humour was his sword.

I didn't let anyone see me as Gerard except for Adeline. When I was with her I let her into the fucked up Gerard, a little bit at a time. But still, that fucked up part kept pushing her away.

I was the reason we weren't together and I knew it. I didn't want to put the weight of Gerard on her shoulders, not when I was so good at being flirty, funny Gibsie.

"Bubba," My mam shouted—using the embarrassing nickname she called me—from downstairs, "Your friend is here."

I had no idea what friend she was referring to—I assumed Johnny, as he was supposed to come over—but I tore my eyes from the ceiling and headed downstairs. When my eyes met Adeline's, I felt myself smile. She had a way of bringing me peace by simply just existing.

"Hey, Ballerina," I grinned, "I wasn't expecting you."

"Yeah, I caught a ride with Johnny," She breathed, "He's just over at Hugh's, he needed
help with something. So, I just came here."

"Oh," I nodded, "No problem, babe. You know you're always welcome."

I stepped aside so she could come in and she did.

"Ger," She swallowed hard, "Can we talk?" She looked to where my mam was sitting on the couch, "Upstairs maybe."

My stomach churned because a girl asking to talk was never a good thing.

"Yeah," I nodded, "Let's go."

I took her hand and led her up to my room. She shut the door behind her and inhaled a deep breath.

"Is everything alright?" I asked, immediately noticing the look of terror in her eyes.

"I—," She swallowed, fiddling with the hem of her shirt, "I really need to tell you something."

"What's up?" I asked, taking her hand in mine, sensing her nerves.

I knew something had been up with her for a while now and I was hoping this was her telling me what it was.

"I really need to tell you," She said again, "And I need you to not freak out."

Shit.

I couldn't exactly promise her that when I didn't know what she was telling me.

"Okay," I nodded uncertainly, "What is it?"

"Something happened," She whispered, tears filling her eyes, "On the night of Hugh's party."

"What happened?" My eyes were roaming her face, searching for answers.

"I was—," She was cut off by the door flying open and a furious looking Johnny entering the room.

"What'd I say about you two hanging out behind closed doors?" Johnny crossed his arms, clearly not noticing his sister's distress.

Addy was quick to wipe her eyes with her hand and force a smile, "I don't know, Johnny. Maybe that we should keep doing it?"

"Funny, Addy," Johnny shook his head.

I couldn't bring myself to make a joke because I was furious that Johnny just interrupted us. I knew Addy wouldn't tell me now.

"What did Hugh need?" Addy asked, acting like she wasn't just going to confess something to me.

"He needed help moving a dresser," Johnny shrugged.

"You couldn't have stayed an extra minute," I muttered under my breath.

"I'm..." Addy fumbled to speak, "I think I'm going to go say hey to Claire."

She was quick to flee my room, making me glare at a confused looking Johnny. I quickly followed after Adeline, grabbing her arm to stop her from walking off.

"Adeline, don't go," I pleaded, "I'm listening, you can tell me."

"It's fine," She gave me the most forced smile in the world, "It wasn't important."

"Addy, please."

"It's okay."

"Tell me, please."

"No!" She shouted, "I said it's fine, so just leave it! Please! Forget I even said anything, it doesn't matter. It never will."

Tears were falling onto her cheeks and I felt my heart breaking. I'd never seen her like this before, she looked so broken.

"Addy, baby," I intertwined my fingers with hers, "I'm begging you, just please tell me what's going on."

She shook her head, "I can't, Gerard. I can't tell anyone."

I opened my mouth to speak but she was yanking her hand out of my grasp and sprinting down the stairs and out the front door.

Leaving me speechless, heart racing, in the middle of the hallway.

"Is she okay?" Johnny asked, coming to stand next to me.

"I don't know," I exhaled a breath, "I really don't know, Kav."

And that's what I hated the most, not knowing.

I really hoped she was.

Because seeing her like this hurt me just as bad.

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sorry ;)))

not sorry

hehehe

i love you

xoxo

-Freyja