Born in Flames || Game of Thrones

Chapter XXXIX ''Decoying and confessions''

She had waited for Christer Renel where she had said she would, in the royal chambers. She had thought that when she finally entered the Red Keep again, she would claim the Iron Throne... That this place would be her home, that she would feel something, anything.

But this was not her home, the Iron Throne was not hers. The city she looked upon from the great balcony was not hers. Not while her enemies still lived.

"Cersei has escaped, with the Greyjoy fleet, with what army she had left, even her servants, and that means she intends to return." she said, not even glancing over her shoulder at ser Arthur. She stood with her hands rested on the stone railing, until she slammed them against it in frustration. "And she will not do that until she can challenge me. When I have a moment of weakness, or she gathers an army and creates a weapon able to kill my dragons. It looks like I have won, but I feel everything crumbling in my hands."

She had similar feelings in Meereen, when the city was slowly killing itself, and none of her efforts were working. Even though the situation was different then, because there were two groups of citizens fighting each other - plus the Sons of the Harpy - and nothing like that was happening here, the result could have been the same. They would tear the city from each other's hands until one finally won, but would there be anything left of the city?

She had managed to save Meereen, from what she knew from Daario's letters, the city was doing very well, prospering. In addition, her wish to free the people in Lys and Volantis was also slowly coming true.

When everything will be over here, she would have to fly there, see how Essos is doing, how Daario is doing. Unfortunately, for now, nothing like that was even on the horizon.
Frustrating.
She missed those people, how they looked at her, how they treated her. She felt needed, she felt that her actions made sense, and not... that everyone was just trying to fight her and grab as much as they could.

"I doubt people will welcome her back with open arms." ​​Arthur said, trying to comfort her somehow, or even calm her down? He could see how tense she was, all nervous that nothing was going her way. It wasn't the first time this had happened, but each time it did it seemed to be more and more frustrating.

"So she'll force her way in, when I'm not here to do anything about it." she replied skeptically, tapping the barrier with her fingers until Arthur stood next to her and could see this gesture of nervousness and impatience.

"She lost, now she's just postponing her final fall. Even when you didn't have the throne yet, the continent was already united under you." Of course, he was aware that the fighting wasn't over yet, but at the same time he was convinced that it wouldn't be long. If Cersei dares to return to the country at all.

Out of hatred for her, not out of love for me - she wanted to say, but she held back that unpleasant thought. Especially since she was chased by another one, which she decided to share:

"Not whole." she wouldn't have looked at him if she hadn't heard a muffled snort of laughter at her words. She frowned. "What?"

The amused smile - which he tried to cover with his hand until he saw that it was too late - said enough. They both knew what part of the continent she meant when she said that. And she didn't like his smile at all, and even more so when he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively after a moment.

"I-" she stopped, feeling her cheeks burning. She quickly turned her face the other way to hide it.

She was embarrassed not so much by Arthur's clear suggestion, but by the fact that he must have noticed in her behavior that she was not indifferent to this specific person. For her, these were only small gestures, furtive glances, at most single words that could be interpreted in too many ways to talk about unmasking feelings. Besides, she herself did not even feel as if some great love burned in her heart. That's it, she liked to look at him, talk to him, based on what she knew she considered him a good person...