It's funny that I can already predict the ending.
Our maturity levels wouldn't match. I live by myself, he doesn't. His parents are over-protective of him, mine raised me to be independent. His parents have stayed together, mine got divorced because my dad cheated, and my mom remarried. He grew up with both parents so he had stability and security in all senses. I grew up with a single mom who was barely at home from working too much, so I learned to do things by myself, or picked things from who I could. I'm pretty sure he got his first job after graduating school, and I got my first unofficial job at 10 helping my grandma with her business, and the oficial one was at 14. He grew up with love and support, I grew up begging for that love, and lacked support from my dad. At one point we had to stay with my grandparents because we were homeless. He grew up in the truth, I didn't, until I was 14.
He has the stability and security I want, but he doesn't know independence like I do. He has a car, he's self sufficient to a certain degree, but when troubles arise he has his parents back, and when he doesn't have a vehicle for whatever reason, his parents drive him to work and pick him up. I don't ask my parents for favours, ever. Unless it's something important and it belongs to me, then I ask them. But I never ask anything from them. Nor do I expect it. He relies a lot on his family. Which isn't bad but it's not good either when you're 5 years away from turning 30.
I had the feeling he didn't know the difficulties of life. That he's never experienced loss. But now I take back the opinions I had before because really, he's lost who he was before. And it sucks. So in that sense, he understands pain. I respect him for that. But that's something that worries me... and that I don't know if I'd be capable of handling.
There are also things I still don't know about his family. Things that could either benefit him or not.
But I do know that he's spiritual. And that he's a good person, despite the mistakes he's made. My dad has said that he's a good man. I take my dad's opinions to heart because he's an excellent person, so I believe that.
A fear I have is if he'd be willing to not do any kissing during courtship. Because my standard is, no kissing until the wedding day. Only cheek kisses, or a hug, or cuddles. And the majority of people want to kiss someone. It's not bad but I know myself, and I know kisses lead to make outs, and make outs lead to it, so I don't even want to start the cycle. I want to be level headed the full relationship and not let myself be blinded by the physical. And I have a feeling he's a very affectionate person so I don't know how that would work. I am affectionate myself but I would control it if the other person cooperates too.
Another fear is whether or not he's a virgin. I have a feeling he isn't, because of how he speaks and his past. But I could be wrong, and I hope to be wrong. If I'm not, it wouldn't work. Because then I wouldn't be the only person in his heart. Or I would be but not entirely. And that would break me. I am no one to judge, I don't see it like that. I see it in the sense that he wouldn't be completely mine. And I see it as a slight chance of cheating, because of the experience and comparing me and the others and I would worry that I wouldn't be good enough because I'm not experienced. It would deeply hurt me. It would also ruin the experience of learning together. Unless neither of us decides to talk about the past, and don't care, and bury it until we're married. Which is what happened with my parents, cause my mom didn't know much about David's past until after they got married. And it worked for them. But this is one of those things that you don't know unless you live it yourself, so I wouldn't know if not talking of the past would or wouldn't affect us.
A relationship is like a test, or interview, that's how I see it. So I don't know if he'd pass the interview. Or if I'd pass the interview. He also gets the choice.
