Sometimes I get anxious about my own assumptions. When I start predicting outcomes.
It's not a coincidence that on 2023, I talked about wanting a blonde, blue eyed, skinny, taller guy than me, and I got him months later. My wish was granted. I got my "dream guy". But once I got him I realized none of that mattered. Once I was staring at him, and he was stroking me or kissing me... I realized I didn't want what I thought I wanted. His physical attributes were automatically ruined by his character...
I thought it was gonna work just because I wanted it. But I didn't reach out to Jehovah once. I did it on my own. It was all rushed...
And I thought wrong.
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Now, the reason I say I'm anxious about my assumptions, and why I wrote of my ex, is because I always end up being wrong. And what I fear, always ends up happening. It's like, Satan knows what is gonna make me fall and he puts it right in front of me, and even though I know it's gonna make me fall I fall anyway!! It's ridiculous.
And of course it makes me feel worse, because I anticipate my failures. And when I make a mistake, I make it happen. It's like a confirmation of my suspicions. Like, I was right about it but I still failed. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy...
But it's worse when I think something is gonna work and it ends up not working. Because I build my hope but it all comes crashing down and it hits me down even harder.
So I don't know if it's worse to get my hopes up and fail, or to predict my failings but still fail and feel worse.
