HAVING 13 - Johnny Kavanagh

26. School trip

MISSY
March 27th 2005

Johnny had driven me home after I'd stayed the night. He was reluctant about leaving me back at my house.

I convinced him to go to school and rugby practice. He agreed in exchange for kisses, like the actual child he was.

After school, he came for the said kisses. We made out on the porch for almost ten minutes, and then pulled out a new phone. I was going to deny, but he left before I could hand it back.

It was now the next Sunday and Johnny and I had been texting non-stop. He hadn't had the time to come and see me at home and he was also forcing me to rest my leg in bed, so I was missing him currently.

Wednesday, I would go to school, because there was no way in hell I was missing the match Johnny was playing. I'd issued the permission slip for both Shannon and I a month or so ago, and payed off all the costs for everything.

Shannon was doing good at school, she told me.

I was happy at least one of our lives was kind of looking up.

•

MISSY
March 30th 2005

I was finally out of that fucking house, and for the first time ever in my entire life, out of Cork.

I sat on the bus next to Johnny. He held my hand and talked about the other team's coach being annoying. Rugby mumbo-jumbo.

"I feel unsteady," I admitted suddenly. It hadn't crossed my mind that I was about to express my feelings to someone other than myself, but I just did. I told Johnny how I was feeling instead of making him figure it out himself.

He raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"It just feels like something's gonna go wrong this time," I lowered my voice. "I know you're still injured, baby, and I don't like the fact you're still playing, but I can't stop you. I just feel like tonight's not going to end well."

He looked sort of confused now. I didn't mean to upset him. I saw him collect himself before answering. "I'll be grand, Mel. Don't fret."

•

Now, fast forward to hours later, the game finally begun. The other team's coach was refusing to play as long as Johnny played. A few calls passed and, well, they had no choice.

So, I watched Johnny play. He gave it his all, every single game. I admired him and his passion for his sport. Rugby was his whole life, and I'd accepted that by now. Still, that didn't mean I wasn't worried. His Mam was like that too, I'd learned. Edel and I talked on the phone once or twice in the past few days.

"What do you think Da will do this evening? We'll be home late since the game's only begun now," Shannon remarked.

"Don't worry. I'll protect you, Shan." I brought my arm around her shoulder and hugged her to my side.

"You always are. Joey, too. You two are always protecting us."

I nodded and shrugged. "Someone's got to."

Then, the crowd grew louder. At first, I thought Tommen might've scored a point, but then I saw my number 13 laying face-down in the grass, unmoving.

Johnny had pushed himself over the edge.

People held hands over their mouths, some gasped and whispered.

I almost fell through my knees but held on. I made my way to the stairs, down them, and ran onto the field.

"Johnny!" I yelled, running at an immense speed, the adrenaline pumping through my blood, feeding my need to reach my boyfriend as quick as I could.

I collapsed on my knees next to him and the medics, but kept my hands off.

My mind was a blur. All I could think was that I could've stopped this. I could've prevented him from going out there today.

"Johnny?" I desperately said.

"Melissa," He croaked out squeakily, pain audible in his voice.

"Oh god," I slapped a hand over my mouth. The medics turned him over and he groaned loudly.

Shite, he must've been in so much pain.

They placed him on a sort of carrier and he winced at each tiny movement. I walked with the medics.

"Who are ye, girl?" One of them asked.

"I'm his girlfriend," I cried, tears filling my eyes.

The man scoffed. I barely noticed.

For the first time in almost two years, I cried. I let more than one tear fall. I allowed myself to full-on sob. My cheeks were wet with worry and I could barely believe it. Fuck; I loved him so crazy much, and here he was, slipping through my fingers.

They brought him over to the changing rooms and I followed all the way. Only a minute later, Gibsie also came in.

"Missy-Miss," He sighed, not his jokey self.

I was still sobbing. Johnny had started talking to me when we arrived but I heard nothing of it.

Years of crying and thousands of held-back tears were pouring out now, at the least convenient moment.

An ambulance was on the way, Gibsie told me. I barely heard a thing. Suddenly the rugby coach was there too, and then a bunch of other people were, but I still couldn't stop crying. I couldn't stop letting my heart breathe.

When the paramedics arrived, I didn't care about what anyone said, and I rode with Johnny in the back. I told them I didn't care who tried to stop me. Nothing was keeping me from staying with him.

I had stopped sobbing by now, but the tears were still falling.

In the emergency room, he was rolled through the halls and straight into surgery. They told me they'd get back to me, and I could either go home or wait in the waiting room.

I finally stopped crying and now felt empty. All I did was sit there on the hard plastic chair for four hours, unmoving, alone with my thoughts and a disposable cup of lukewarm water, until she arrived; Edel Kavanagh.

She had this distressed expression which kind of dissipated once she saw me and rushed over to me. "Oh, Melissa, pet." She pulled me upwards for an embrace and squeezed the air out of my lungs.

"Hi, Mrs. Kavanagh," I said, voice hoarse.

"How did he look?" She asked with tears in her eyes.

"Like he was in pain," I admitted. "Rugby means so much to him and he won't be able to play for a long time," I told her, feeling empathy for my boyfriend.

She finally let go of me. "What was he thinking, keeping this a secret from his father and I? It could've ended worse than this, for god's sake."

I shook my head, not even wanting to think about it, and sat back down.

"I talked to the receptionist," Edel started. "He's done with surgery, but they're waiting for him to wake up before they allow visitors."

I nodded.

I just didn't know what to do with myself.

I just sat back down helplessly.

NOTE

I'm sorryyyy

Love, Rhiannon