HAVING 13 - Johnny Kavanagh

27. Shite

JOHNNY
March 31st 2005

"I think he's waking up," I heard my Mam say.

Where the fuck was I?

Wait—my adductor.

Shite.

Missy.

She had stayed with me the entire time. She cried from the field to the hospital. It was the first time I'd ever seen her not hold back an emotion.

I willed myself to open my eyes. I finally did.

I saw the girl I loved and the woman who raised me.

"Mel," I groaned out. "Baby."

"Johnny," She choked out, trying to not cry again.

"Ma?" I asked.

Everything was growing sort of fuzzy.

My hearing, my sight.

Then, I blinked and everything—no, the only thing was Melissa.

"Mel," I started begging. "Please, Mel, Mel, Mel—" I sort of realised I wasn't making sense, but I had no control over it all.

"Yeah, I'm here," She replied, coming closer and holding my hand.

"You were there in the ambulance," I said.

"I was," She confirmed.

"You were crying hard." I firmed my hold on her hand, making sure she wouldn't let go.

She nodded shamefully.

"When am I gonna be able to play again?" I asked.

Her brows furrowed and her eyes glazed over again.

"Jonathan," My Mam started. "I'll get your Father."

"Mam, when can I play again?"

"Johnny..." She sighed and left the room with tears in her eyes. I turned to Mel.

"Do you know? Please fucking tell me," I begged.

She looked away from my eyes and started sorrowfully at our intertwined hands.

"You were really high the first time you woke up," She tried to brush it off but I looked at her desperately. "As of now, you need at least six weeks, if I heard right."

Fuck.

My heart dropped to my arse.

I wouldn't be prepared to be selected.

There goes my entire future.

Everything I've worked for all these years: gone. In a matter of hours, my entire life was over.

"Don't cry," Her voice cracked. "It'll be okay. You can do it, baby. You can do anything."

I didn't even know that tears had filled my eyes, but I blinked and they were spilling. Mel hugged me and I sniffled into her shoulder. I felt pathetic, but I also felt like it was okay to be vulnerable with her.

She'd been so honest with me. This was the least I could do.

Shite.

My entire career had been flushed down the drain.

My Da came in, and his face showed only worry. I knew this was because it had just happened. I wasn't going to hear the end of it when we got home and the emotions had simmered down, for lying about this for so long.

For being a liar.

•

"Everything's gonna be alright," I told Mel before she and Shannon left to go back to Ballylaggin. I was convincing myself more than I was trying to reassure her.

"I love you," She said. "I don't say it enough but this whole thing made me realise how quickly you could be gone. In the blink of an eye."

I took a deep breath. "I love you, Melissa."

"I know." She smiled with tired eyes. She had cried so much in the ambulance on the way here that her eyes were still red and puffy. "When you were high, you told Gibs about my Da, and how you're so worried."

"Shite, I'm so sorry, baby." Fuck. I'd revealed her biggest secret.

"It's fine. It's just Gibsie, y'know, but don't tell anyone else."

I nodded. "I swear it."

"I'll visit you at your house when you're back, just text me." She smiled.

"I will." I took her hand in mine and pulled her down into a hug. When we separated, I kissed her. I couldn't help it. I was worried. I loved her.

"Bye, Johnny," She said.

"Bye, Mel. See ya, Shannon."

Shannon waved and smiled. They started walking but after only seconds Melissa stopped in her tracks and turned back around. She marched over to me quickly and kissed me once more.

"I love you," She told me sincerely. "Tell me you know it."

"I know it, and I love you, too," I said.

With that, she squeezed my hand, turned back around and walked towards the door. Missy looked back at me over her shoulder as they walked out of the room.

She was my forever.

NOTE

Ahhhh sorry I couldn't publish yesterday <3 Some sweetness before everything goes wrong

Love, Rhiannon