HAVING 13 - Johnny Kavanagh

57. Sleep

JOHNNY
September 8th, 2005

Suddenly, my car was much fuller going home.

Melissa, Shannon, Aoife, Joey, Tadhg and myself.

Luckily it was spacious, but no, it wasn't legal. Not technically.

Moving on, when we got home, we all spilled out and made our way inside.

Eight people living in the house. Three more in the annex. Three dogs.

Before, I'd been an only child and my parents were always gone. Then, Missy came into my life, and now I had to adjust to all the constant noise.

Tonight, instead of Mel and I's usual movie night, she was spending some time with Joey. They hadn't had time to process everything that happened together.

From what she told me, Joey, Shannon and her always worked together to take care of their siblings and even their mother. They depended on each other.

There was a trust there that you only ever felt with family.

Whenever Joey was worn out, Melissa would take a few punches for him and cook for everyone. Whenever she wasn't home, he would make sure everyone was safe while also dealing with a severe drug addiction. The two of them focused on keeping Shannon mostly unharmed.

•

Before going to bed, I knocked on Missy's door to tell her goodnight.

Joey was still there, and apparently she didn't hear me knock, 'cause when I opened the door, assuming they were just talking or watching TV, they were crying together.

I'd seen Missy cry an awful lot since my accident on the pitch but I'd never seen Joey show any extreme emotion.

He held Mel. "You'll get through it."

"I don't see it happening, Joe," She told him.

I felt like I was walking in on an intimate moment. I turned around as Joey spoke more words of encouragement to her.

It knew she didn't want to burden me with her feelings, but I broke more each day, knowing that she was trying to suffer silently again.

The girl who was mistreated by every person she trusted to take care of her—abused for 17 years, and still, she hasn't got a mean bone in her body.

I reminded myself that I once knew her as Lynch Vicious, and even then, I didn't see her as a rude person. It was a defence mechanism.

Now, I knew her better than anyone else, and she loved bees and going on pointless walks at night. I complained, but I loved going with her.

I loved taking her on runs, her learning me how to cook a decent meal. I enjoyed going to restaurants and the beach.

On the other hand, I couldn't get enough of our moments behind closed doors. How gentle we were with each other.

Melissa and I were meant to be, and no one could convince me otherwise.

My point was that if anyone knew how to help her, it was me.

I wouldn't try to cheer her up. All I needed to do was spend time with her and let her feel whichever way she wants to.

I had to stick by her. Show her that there was space for her feelings.

A good environment makes healing easier.

I couldn't wait until next morning, so I went back to her door, knocked harder this time.

"Come in," Mel said.

I pushed the door further open. "Came to say goodnight."

She stood up from the side of her bed. I barely saw her puffy eyes in the dark, but in the way she hugged me, I knew she needed it.

I kissed the top of her head. "I love you. Sweat dreams, Missy."

She smiled slightly. "Sweet dreams."

And that was it. The lack of an 'I love you too' was noticeable, but I doubted she did it on purpose. I simply made my way back to my own room and tucked myself in.

•

"Johnny?" A whisper.

"What..." I groaned. "Five more minutes. I—"

"It's me," Melissa announced.

"Oh," I opened my eyes and looked at her. "What are you doing here, baby?"

"I know I'm not allowed but I can't sleep," She admitted.

I didn't hesitate before lifting the sheets, letting her settle in beside me. We didn't cuddle, both observing it was a hot night, but we faced each other.

"You're beautiful," I observed.

"You're mental," She retorted. "I'm wearing Superman PJ's."

"Exactly." I shrugged.

She rolled her eyes. I couldn't see it, but I knew she did. "Don't ye roll your eyes at me."

She giggled. "How did you know?"

"I know you too well."

"That's frightening," Melissa said. "I know you, as well."

"I sure hope so," I sarcastically said. "Let's get some sleep."

A nod. A hand reaching out for mine.

"I'd give all I have if we could stay like this," I told her. "For always."

NOTE

I'm super duper sick </3 Anyways

Love, Rhiannon