Dangerously Close (Aris x Reader)

22) The Cycle Repeats

Falling asleep had been against my will. I had just been reading and making sure to take in every last word, just in case. I guess it makes my lie less of a lie, which I sort of care about now?

After that, I tried to keep watch. I really did.

I didn't do a good job. Nobody does apparently.

As I woke up from something unknown, still in darkness, I instantly sat up, taking in my surroundings, my hands reaching in my pockets to check for my weapons.

I had them. I had everything I was supposed to.

And as I looked at the sleeping bag, something extra.

How?! How the hell does he do this?! How did he get in?!

Looking over, I saw Aris still fast asleep. I would hope so considering the time, but that only makes this more disturbing. How can I be such a light sleeper yet both of us slept through this? Did Cain give me something when I couldn't see? Did someone else give me something? Someone here who's actually working with him?

Keep your friends close and enemies closer.

I don't have friends. I don't, and I can't, and I won't. It would only hurt them.

Taking a breath, I grabbed the slip of paper. Glancing at the tent, I saw it was completely zipped, as though it was never touched.

Maybe it wasn't.

Looking back at the sleeping figure, everything became unclear. How kind was he really? How honest? How harmless?

I don't know. I don't know those things about anyone. Nobody does until it's too late.

You’ll never sleep right when there's still bad in the world
-C

I hate him. I hate him so fucking much.

And he's right. WCKD still exists, evil people are still out there, innocent are still dying. If I can get rid of just one, that's enough. I could just get back in that business altogether. Nobody would truly care. People would just be like “there's another person who can kill someone so I don't have to get my hands dirty” and accept it.

My hands have always been dirty. I have always been dirty. Blood stains my skin, taunting all of what I am. I will never be clean.

So why bother to pretend when I already know what I am? When so much of the world knows?

I know who I am. I know what I do.

I know what I should do.

Not letting my eyes look at him again, not wanting to go soft from someone who was supposed to be a stranger, from a boy, I grabbed my bag that I always keep packed. Making sure to carry light, I took out all the books that I had borrowed here. They were nothing to me, and I don't need any memories of this place.

As my hands touched the one I had just read, I hesitated for a moment. It was . . . different. It was the only gift I’ll ever get.

Gifts make you soft. Gifts come with debt, and I can't have debts. I’m being stupid, and I just have to go. I have to leave. Now.

Dumping everything out, I grabbed nothing but the water bottle and small guns and larger knives. Without a care in the world, I tossed them inside, too shaken up to notice the rustling from beside me until he spoke.

“Where are you going?”

His voice was groggy, though his words were clear, worry lacing his voice.

I don't care. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.

Not bothering to answer, I swung my bag over my shoulder before unzipping the tent, stumbling out for a moment before standing, my eyes darting around at the camp as I made my way to the edge.

“Y/N, wait up,”He called, following after me. Not bothering with a response, I rounded the corner, making my way away from everyone. “Y/N, talk to me. Okay? Just come back to the tent, and you can tell me everything.”

“Go away, Aris.”

“Poet, please-”
“Don't call me that.”

“Okay. Y/N, don't leave. You don't have to run, okay? Just get some sleep. I’ll even watch the tent so you know it's gonna be okay. Just-”
“Shut up. Shut up, and leave me alone”I snapped, turning on my heel and glaring at him, frustration and panic immediately bubbling over. It was probably misplaced, but I don't care. Ever. I won't care. I am a danger to him with everything I’ve done so he’s better off without me anyway.

“Whatever happened, I'm here for you. I promise. You don't even have to tell me, but please come back?”

“Just stop with that, okay? Leave me alone. Go back to your tent, and forget me.”

“It's our tent. It won't feel right without you.”

“I don't give a shit about feelings,”I promised, walking away again, him still desperately following.

“Don't leave.”

“Why would you ever think you could tell me what to do?”

“I don't, but I’m your friend-”
“What don't you understand?! I am not made for friends! I am not made to like people! I never have been, and I never will! And you, you're so stupid for ever trying!”I spat, turning back to glare at him, the confusion and paranoia of his kindness bubbled over.

“Oh,”He mumbled, his face dropping as he glanced at the ground. “I’m sorry. I didn't know you still felt that way about me,”He whispered, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Well, I do,”I scowled, keeping my glare.

“I’m-I’m really sorry. I’ll leave you alone now,”He whispered.

“Yeah. That's what you should have done from the beginning,”I huffed, readjusting my bag as I left.

“Please stay?”

Ignoring his words, ignoring the shakiness in his voice, the loss they seemed to hold, the way this just added on to the growing list of people that leave him, ignoring him, I left, having a new mission to think about.