Dangerously Close (Aris x Reader)

48) More Human

“See? Nice and steady,”Mary guided in her motherly voice. I nodded as I kept slowly sliding the needle into the fabric, taking my time with each stitch.

“I’ve been practicin’ in my free time in here,”I admitted.

“I can tell. It’s paying off.”

I found my lips twitching into a smile at the compliment. I knew I was getting better, but actually hearing it, especially from someone I look up to, filled me with this warm fuzzy pride.

“You can take some home if you’d like. Sometimes it’s nice to just give your hands something to do.”

“Really?”I asked quickly, clear excitement lacing my voice.

“Really.”

“Thank you, Mary.”

“It's nothing big.”

“Not just for the fabric. You've always been so kind to me. Stuck up for me even if it was against someone you care about. So thank you, Mary.”

She gave me a soft smile as she opened her arms, offering a hug. Placing my things to the side, I instantly accepted, closing my eyes as I took in her loving embrace.

She patted my back as I stood there, my eyes firmly clenched shut as I tried to ignore the stinging. As I tried to forget about it all. I want to forget about it all. I want to forget about how I wish she was my actual mother, Cain’s most recent note that's left me so paranoid, the constant shame of my past, how difficult it is to trust anyone, my jealousy, how many feeling I actually have, the way crying seems to have been happening too easily despite only having happened one other time, Thomas and I’s long talks right outside this place, Sonya and Harriet gradually spending more time with me, Aris having to ask to touch me, how he doesn't when he holds me at night, and how it’s all too much sometimes.

Before I could even comprehend what was going on, tears were spilling down my cheeks, quiet sniffles leaving me as my shoulders shook. My heart felt heavy in my chest as I bit down on my lip to muffle the growing cries.

She didn't tell me it was okay. She didn't say something to try and make me stop. She just held me a little tighter, the kind of hug I would have killed for when I was younger. That may have saved me. But I can't even say killed for because that would mean nothing. Not with how much I had to do it.

Maybe in another life I had Mary sooner. Maybe I had Aris, Thomas, Brenda, Sonya, Harriet, Newt, Minho, and Frypan. Maybe I wouldn't feel sick adding Abby to that list. Maybe I was always good. Maybe Cain was just a random name. Maybe I got to be normal. Maybe we all did. And maybe Aris still fell in love with that version of me.

I don't know exactly why I’m sobbing, why I’m breaking down in her arms. I just know it's all too much right now. It all hit me too harshly.

This is tragic. It really, really is.

× ~ × ~ × ~ ×

Thomas was with me again, telling me about Brenda. Apparently, he was going to tell her next week, at the next bonfire, how he felt. Something so close yet so far.

“What about you? Will you show up?”

“I don't know. Those aren't exactly my thing,”I shrugged.

“It'd be cool to see you there. You could maybe just relax. Loosen up a little bit.”

“I’m not exactly loosen up material,”I mumbled.

And the thought of being around drunk people terrifies me, especially right now. Everywhere I looked, I would see Cain. And I don't want to see him. I hate him. I wish I had killed him. I wish I just went to went to bed with more guilt at how I killed out of emotion instead of dealing with this.

“Are you okay? You seem quiet today,”He asked slowly, almost carefully.

I don't really want to lie to him. I've grown to care for Thomas. He’s my best friend that's somewhere around my age. I also don't want him to worry either. And he’s nosy.

He’s a friend before a drama feind though.

“I don't want to talk about it,”I sighed, picking at my food.

“Okay. Then, we won't,”He promised.

“Thanks. Just tell me more about your plan with Brenda?”I requested, desperately needing a distraction.

“Sure. That's no problem.”

× ~ × ~ × ~ ×

I was practicing my sewing while talking to him. With the lantern for light, I fixated on every prick of the needle.

He asked what it was for. It'd honestly be kind of weird if he didn’t. And I told him. Again, without looking up. I could hear that he thought it was interesting in his voice though.

It was casual conversation. Something that was a great break from everything that went on today. Even though technically not much had happened, it all weighed on me.

“So the bonfire next week. Are you going to show up?”

And just like that the conversation felt just as heavy as everything else.

“I’m sorry. I didn't mean to-”
“It's alright,”I interrupted, noticing the regret he already felt.

“You don't have to come. You never have to do anything you don't want to,”He promised.

“I haven't decided yet,”I admitted. It was weird but true. I want to spend time with the people I care about. I also don't trust nothing will happen if I’m alone. On the other hand, I don't trust drugs. And yes, alcohol is classified as a drug.

I sighed before yawning. Leaning over the bed on my stomach, I placed the practice on top of one of my books.

“Bed time?”

“Not if you're not tired,”I promised.

“I’m not. I want to hold you though.”

It's sweet now he has such a loving desire above anything else. Nothing lustful or selfish. Just a want to show me he cares about me.

“We should check your hands before that. Make sure they're alright,”I pointed out.

He held out his hand as I sat up. Finding the start of the bandage, I loosened it enough to slide it off.

His knuckles were slightly a faint purple, but there was nothing else out of the ordinary. He had been able to move his fingers, and nothing was crooked. He just seemed to have underestimated how much violence can hurt, no matter which side you're on.

“You're fine. I just wouldn't recommend doin’ that again.”

“I won’t. I’ll make sure to slap next time if I have to.”

“Ya’ could just not fight anyone?”I suggested.

“I will do my best not to fight anyone.”

At least he's honest.

Taking his hand, I lightly brushed my lips against the bruise, just barely touching his skin. His hand wrapped around mine a little tighter, not letting go even after I pulled away.

“I love you. I say it a lot, I hope, but I mean it every time,”He whispered, a small smile etched into his face.

“I love you too. I always will.”