Like before I left, we were back in the tent. It was one of the only ones that didn't need to be put back up thanks to Aris arguing with them about leaving without me.
Sitting on top of my sleeping bag, I kept fidgeting with the knife I had washed off, being sure to avoid my reflection as I did. I still can't look at myself. I won't be able to for at least a few more days. It's always like that after I take a life, no matter how awful the person was.
“Are you okay?”
Looking over at him sitting up, almost exactly in the position I was, I managed a nod.
“I’m alive and breathin’. There's not much else I can ask for.”
“I meant in your head. I know you don't like it so are you okay?”He clarified, his voice soft and soothing.
Turning my gaze to the ground, I took a shaky breath. Making sure not to break, I shut my eyes. I don't want to cry like I did in the car. I haven't done so in years, and I won't start now.
“He pointed my own gun at my head. If I hadn't used the bullets, I wouldn't be here. And neither would he. Because if I was gonna die, I was gonna take him with me.”
“I’m glad it was empty then.”
“He pulled the trigger. He did what anyone else I’ve ever met would do if I was a threat and pulled the trigger. And you didn't. Ya’ know? You're the first person to show me any mercy. So I thought about that a little bit after,”I admitted, pulling my knees to my chest and firmly avoiding his eyes.
“It’s still not normal. To just accept death like that.”
“No. But sometimes that's all ya’ can do. Accept your fate.”
“Then, make sure it’s not your fate tomorrow.”
“I don't think I can choose-”
“Please?”He whispered, his voice as weak as the night I left. Unable to help it, I looked at him. At his sad eyes that were so full of sorrow and mourning. His expression was already one of loss, as though he was doomed to grieve for the rest of his life.
I can't control it. I’m already very aware of that.
I’m also aware that I can lie to him when it means protecting him or his feelings. As long as I make sure to do whatever I lied about, it can't even count as much.
“Death won't be my fate tomorrow,”I gave in.
“You mean it?”
I’m not sure yet. That's up to more than just me.
“Yeah. I mean it.”
YOU ARE READING
Dangerously Close (Aris x Reader)
FanfictionShe was practically cursed to be someone to look out for since birth. Having lived her entire life in the Scorch, she was on edge, paranoid, and was always prepared to kill. Even if it made her enemies, she did what she had to to survive. Aris knew...
