I want you in a different way now
-C
The note held so much hate and rage. It was a warning that put ice in my veins.
And somehow it was better than before. The worst he would do now is kill me. Before, he could have been talking about a fate worse than death. I don't know how he would have forced me to be his. At least this is certain. Either I’ll be badly hurt or dead. It’s simple.
That didn't stop me from constantly looking over my shoulder. Every single sound, from footsteps to conversations to animals, was heightened.
I’m afraid. I’m afraid, but sure of what comes next. I make it or I don't. I kill him or I don't.
The threat crinkled in my pocket. I tried to ignore it the way I ignored the food around me. I can't stomach anything right now.
“Finally, we get to call you her sunshine.”
Aris rolled his eyes at Frypan’s words. I didn't bother to react to them or anything really. I just sat there and sometimes listened in.
“So we got one nurse out of this entire group? Really?”Sonya asked.
“It's only eight people,”I pointed out, forcing my voice steady.
“Nine. A group of nine,”Newt corrected.
Right. I’m supposed to be part of this group.
“Is anyone keeping count until the next bonfire?”Minho checked.
“About three weeks.”
“So you can get stupidly drunk again?”
The difference in Newt and Thomas’s answer seemed to sum up everything here. The difference in everyone, absolutely everyone, was so obvious. Eight, fine nine, completely different personalities that were so full of similarities.
“No. I just like bonfires,”He defended.
“Yeah. And the alcohol at them.”
“The one thing Gally was slightly good for.”
I don't know who Gally is or why Thomas spoke about him in such a whisper with such hatred. I don't know why Minho, being the only other one who heard, shot a look as the light in his eyes vanished for a few seconds. I don't want to either. It can't be anything good.
“We could hang out before that, you know?”Brenda suggested.
“We’re already eating meals together,”Thomas shrugged, back to his usual self.
“But there's a beach right by us, and none of us have been in the water,”She pointed out.
“Do any of us know how to swim?”Aris reasoned.
“Let's find out,”Harriet said simply.
“When exactly?”
“I say tonight. None of you shanks have anything better to do.”
That leaves no time to set anything up in case Cain comes. That leaves no time to find something that I can swim in that’ll cover the scars and marks. That leaves no time to plan out the fact I’ll be in the dark with people.
At the same time, I’ll be with people. There's power in numbers. Even if they don't know it.
“Yeah. Tonight would work.”
× ~ × ~ × ~ ×
I should eat lunch with him. It’d make him happy, and I want him to be happy.
It's not even jealousy that keeps me away. It’s insecurity. I know I’m not good enough, I know there are other people that are good enough, and I don't know how to make that go away. Just more problems on top of that party whore.
I did end up with Thomas. Mary had found herself really busy with supplies and insisted she didn't need help so I just sat outside with him, ranting.
“If he wanted Abby, he would most likely be with Abby. But he doesn't. He doesn't want someone like her. He doesn't want someone like you. He wants you.”
“Well, you're not exactly in a position to give dating advice,”I pointed out.
“I’m working on that. Brenda and I are getting closer,”He defended.
“I'm sure you are.”
“We are. It's just taking a little bit.”
“You mean a lot,”I corrected.
“All I ever hear from you is sarcasm.”
“You're welcome for it.”
“I never said it was good.”
“Obviously, you think that though,”I deadpanned, taking another bite of my stew.
We sat there for a moment, watching everything around us. The people. The working. The friends. The nature. All of it.
It’s lovely.
Yet somewhere in it, somewhere I can't see, Cain is there. He’s there, and he wants my head.
“Do you ever think about life before this?”Thomas asked quietly.
“More than I’d like to admit.”
“I would never go back to it. I love it here. It just feels like I can never escape it no matter how fast I run. Even running reminds me of it.”
“Why would we be able to escape it? It’s something that made us who we are. All we can do is accept it. Maybe try to move past it.”
“Have you moved past it?”
How can I when it continues to chase me?
“No. I haven't.”
YOU ARE READING
Dangerously Close (Aris x Reader)
FanficShe was practically cursed to be someone to look out for since birth. Having lived her entire life in the Scorch, she was on edge, paranoid, and was always prepared to kill. Even if it made her enemies, she did what she had to to survive. Aris knew...
