Dangerously Close (Aris x Reader)

86) Gone Again

Aris's P.O.V

Life as I know it has become a routine of sorts. When the routine varies, something is usually wrong. Terribly, horribly, awfully wrong. Usually that's because of outside forces, which doesn't really make it better.

The routine has to stay the way it is. Everything does. Just for a week at least. Just for a little while.

Or mostly the same at least.

"You think there's time to cuddle before?"

My sentence was cut short as my hand reached for an empty cot. My eyes fluttered open to see her side of the bed empty, except for Nameless, who was sleeping where her feet should be.

Weird. Usually, Nameless follows her when she runs off for her alone time. And usually she doesn't flatten down the sheets like there was only ever a ghost sleeping with me.

Alright, those are decent red flags, but they're probably not an excuse for my heart to thump in my ears the way it is. She's always fine. She's Y/N. She comes back to me at the end of the day, no matter what. Because that's what you do when you love someone.

It's fine. It's fine, and I'm sure if I go outside I'll see her at the edge of the forest or-
Okay. Her bag and clothes are gone. They're never gone with her, but now they are. All of them.

"Damnit, Y/N,"I grumbled, forcing myself out of bed. Does nobody believe in peace anymore? Stability, anything? Why does she always run off like the world is ending? Why-
Stopping yet again, I took a deep breath. She could just be taking a shower. She could be right here in the Safe Haven while I'm doubting her loyalty. I need to get it together and act like I know what I'm doing with my life.

Sitting back on the bed, I folded my hands in my lap and stared at the entrance of our home. Which she will walk through at any moment and see me waiting. I'll make up some excuse she knows is a lie, and she'll bring it up later. She'll kiss me and tell me she loves me, and I'll get to tell her how she means everything to me. That's going to happen, it has to happen.

Because I really, really don't think I'll be able to hold on if it doesn't.

So I waited. I sat there, my hands going numb, and watched the sun rise higher and higher. I listened to the chatter of words that couldn't have been English and waited for reality to come crashing down on me while also waiting for her to come back. She can't leave me, she won't. Not again. Not ever, ever again. Not after watching me break down, after realizing how badly I need her. Why would she leave me? Why would that make sense?

It doesn't. None of it makes sense. I know things were hard, but she's been fine recently. Thriving even. She couldn't possibly hate me that much.

I did make her sit with me all day though. I dragged her inside with me, made her mope with me, and did nothing. Of course she'd leave as soon as I went to sleep. Of course she would!

Standing up, I started pacing back and forth, my hands harshly pulling at my hair. She hates me. She hates me, so she's gone after a day. She left the minute she could, and now I wasted time sitting around and longing.

I felt my lip quiver all over again, something in my chest cracking into unrepairable pieces. The wave of worthlessness and desire to run away until my legs gave out was too much, too strong. So, like a coward, I fell on the bed, smelling her spot as I cried. Tears poured hot and fast while choking sounds leave me. I couldn't breathe, couldn't take it, couldn't understand why. Why wasn't I ever worth anyone staying? What had I done to make me impossible to be around?

The scream that left me was loud and pathetic, pain shooting all throughout my body. I curled on my side, hugging myself for comfort that would never come again, wishing so desperately I could die.

As I was in the middle of heartbreak, I felt something soft and furry on top of me while sunlight that wasn't there a minute ago sprawled onto my face. Groaning at my senses, I covered my eyes that were suddenly far too dry, making my shoulders tense as I realized something was completely off.

My eyes opened as I shot up, gasping and choking for air. When I reached over for her, I found the spot empty, making my breath hitch in my throat as I stumbled out of the cot.

Her bag was still there, hanging up.

How much did that mean though?

My feet automatically carried me outside, eyes darted around wildly, searching for any sign of her.

"You're up early?"

I turned as she walked from beside our home, sweat dripping down her forehead. Her hair was up and out of her face while she was wearing a long sleeve shirt and casual pair of jeans shorts.

"What the hell, Y/N? Where are you? Why did you think that was okay?"I ranted without thinking, shaking as I grabbed her shoulder, trying to assure myself that she was real. My face burned as my eyes watered with real tears. Opening my mouth, I tried to say something else, but found something heavy blocking my throat.

"I'm right here. I'm still right beside ya', city boy,"she promised, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. The affection, while reassuring, only made me tremble harder, my legs threatening to give out as the horrible dream kept taunting me.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I just-I had the worst nightmare ever. You-you left me, and I waited and waited for you to come back, and you never did,"I rambled, burying my face in her neck, breathing in her scent through gasps to make sure it was the real her.

"When the dates of traumatic things come, we remember 'em real well. And sometimes, it spills into our new lives, even though it sucks,"she whispered, placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

"I can't-I can't do it today. It feels like I'm stuck this way forever. Because I'll always be alive, and she'll always be dead, and you always might have to leave me."

"It's not your fault. None of it's your fault,"she whispered, placing a hand behind my head. Gripping her shirt like she would disappear if I let go, I did my absolute best to keep from downing in her. Because if I do, that still means pulling her down.