Dangerously Close (Aris x Reader)

54) Not So Cold

I couldn't sleep. At all. Between my realization that I had dragged Abby to my room and frustration with Aris, I could barely close my eyes.

I was right. The bonfires do suck.

I found her before someone with bad intentions could though. I got her to a bed, even if it wasn't hers. I was able to make sure she was safe.

I waited until Aris left to go do something, most likely clearing his head while assuming I was asleep. Only then, did I dare sit up, finding the plastic bag that I had shoved with hangover things. I had a feeling something like this would come in handy.

There was a loud groan, letting me know was was up. Grabbing the bucket I was also borrowing, I held it in my lap as I sat beside her.

Gagging, she leaned over. With one hand, I kept the stray hair out of her face as she threw up, more pained groans leaving her as she did.

“Let it all out. You need it,”I sighed.

She wretched again, holding her stomach. It seemed like forever until she slowly pulled away, wiping her mouth.

“Here,”I said as I grabbed what I needed. Uncapping the Advil, I placed two in her hand, along with a small water bottle.

Taking a sip, she downed them before drinking the rest in no time. When she got every drop, she held it in her hands, silently staring at the floor.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just lack of self control apparently,”She sighed, running her hands over her face.

“It happens sometimes,”I assured her.

“Not you apparently,”She said under her breath.

I tensed up at her words, looking away. With shame bubbling inside of me, I bit down on my thumb, shortening my already stubby nail.

“I meant it when I said I wish I was like you,”She whispered.

“You remember that?”I asked hesitantly.

“Bits and pieces.”

“Do you remember me telling you that I'm fucked in the head?”

“And you still know when to stop doing things. I don't have that. When I start something, I won't quit. I could go all day without eating just to finish what it was. And you just know when not to even start.”

I shifted in my spot, staring at the floor. Placing both my hands flat on the bed, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I argued with myself.

She’s being vulnerable with me. Extremely vulnerable.

I’m not good at that.

I’m better than I used to be though.

“Back in the Scorch, I was around drugs. Sometimes every day for months on end. I’m not proud of it. Of how I reacted to everything in the places I was. I wouldn't touch any of the people though. I tried once. When someone took too much of whatever that was and ended up seizing on the floor. I was the only sober person there so I pushed past everyone still dancing and tried to do something. I dragged him to the back as he was losing oxygen. There was nothing to do though. There weren't any doctors there. The Scorch is a place of murder. Not healing. So I just sat with him as he died, keeping him on his side so he at least wouldn't suffocate on his spit. And he died there. And I was the only person with him. And I might be the only person who knows about it. So after that I always turned my back whenever I saw anything like that. I couldn't save them no matter how hard I tried.”

As I met her eyes, I saw her looking with tears. Averting her gaze to the ground, she wiped her nose as she sniffled.

“I do things I can't stop. Sometimes. Anything like that can't be part of it though.”