second chances ~ ollie bearman (2)

part 76

that night, i was stood on the track, putting my headphones on before stretching my legs to prepare for my run.

i set off, planning to hopefully complete two laps of the track and my mind was immediately cleared of any thoughts.

it was just me, the wind and the music playing in my ears. it was the most peaceful i've felt in a while. i think the last time i felt like this, was in the summer break. me and ollie were away, and in the middle of the night we had the idea to watch the stars on the beach.

moments like that, make me realise how much i love him. how grateful i am for him. there's no way i deserve him.

that's right, you don't deserve him. he should be with a model, they would be far more pretty than you are. he's left you before, he will do it again once he realises who you really are. so pathetic, planning out your wedding in your head. be realistic. he will realise how wrong he was to propose to you.

i could feel the tears sticking to my face, only making me run faster as i silently sobbed to myself.

after a while, i come to stop, still crying. i didn't know what to do with myself. thankfully it was dark, no-one could see me. no-one would be looking out at the track at this time.

"angel? is that you?" someone shouts from the side of the track.

i look across and see lando stood there, a bag half hanging on his back.

"y-yeah." i reply, taking my headphones off and slowly walking over whilst attempting to stop the tears.

"you okay?" he asks hesitantly.

"do i look okay?" i reply.

"not really, i thought you said you weren't going on a run? i saw you in the gym this morning." he says, walking the few steps over to me.

"i just felt like it i guess." i lie.

"or you wanted to cry and no-one would see?"

"well clearly you saw."

"but you didn't expect me too. can you tell me the truth?" he asks, and my heart skips a beat.

"what about?" i ask nervously.

"is something going on between you and ollie? normally you would talk to him about this, you would always run together. and i don't know, you seem different.  and he sees it too."

"i just don't want to worry him."

"but you are worrying him." he says, and i feel guilty. i thought if i distanced myself from him he wouldn't be able to tell something was wrong with me.

you should just break up with him. obviously your making everything worse for him.

"i- uhm im fine. i think im just going to do another lap. bye lando." i say, beginning to walk away, but instead i stumble, lando following me and catching me, steadying me by holding my arm.

"angel! you can't do that." he says, taking his hand away

"do what?"

"i know what your going through, i do. i've been through it too. just, talk to him. he needs it, and you clearly need it."

"im not doing anything lando. your overthinking it. i tripped over my shoelace."

"angel if you make another attempt to leave im calling ollie, and im going to tell him myself."

"right, okay. hey ollie, angel barely eats, oh yeah and she lies to you. and she says shes a shit fucking ugly girlfriend. i say, well it was more of a shout. shit, i just said that out loud.

"angel..."

i open my mouth to reply, before closing it again and walking away, the tears sticking to my face in the wind as i leave the track and away from lando.

what a shit friend you are.

"ang..." i hear a familiar voice say from behind.

i freeze in my spot, i would recognise that voice in a crowd of a thousand people. ollie was stood there, a look of sadness and shock on his face. as if he just heard the worst news in the world.

"ol..." i say quietly, as he quickly walks over, wrapping his arms around me immediately, and i place mine around his, soaking his hoodie with my tears.

"you think your a bad girlfriend?" he asks softly a few minutes later.

"well, i am, aren't i? all i do is make you worry." i reply, nodding my head.

"no." he replies, resting his head on top of mine as he strokes my back.

"no?" i repeat.

"angel, you are the best girlfriend i could ever ask for. i don't want anyone else i want you. you are the most gorgeous, most perfect, most kind, most caring girl i know. when you told me you would be my girlfriend, when you told me you would marry me, those were two of the best moments in my life. i never thought a girl as perfect as you would ever be in a relationship with me. i love you, more than anything in the world."

"i love you too....so much." i reply, tightening my grip around ollie's waist.

"you know you can always talk to me, you don't need to distance yourself. all i ever want is to help you."

"i know... i just, i want too sometimes. it's just hard."

"well, i'll always be here when your ready to talk. how about we head back to the hotel? it's cold, and late." ollie says, and i notice i was shivering from the cold.

"i'll just go get my things from my room,"  i say, pulling away.

"put this on." ollie says, handing me his hoodie which he had just taken off.

"no, you'll be cold."

"ang, your shivering." he says, his hand still out.

"thanks." i say hesitantly, putting the hoodie on.

"gorgeous." he says, kissing the top of my head and placing his arm across my shoulder as we walk towards my garage.

"did lando call you?" i ask finally.

"no, no he didn't. i was still at the track, waiting for you actually and i saw you."

"was i too harsh? do you think he hates me?" i ask.

"i think he understands, he doesn't hate you. but you should talk to him."

"if i was him, i wouldn't want to talk to me."

"well you aren't him." ollie says, as i go to open the door to the hospitality.

|| authors note ~ hope you enjoy 🫶🏼

okay this part is really sad, im sorry