On That Same Year

Chapter 42

On the present day, 2025.

After a few years of restarting my life from scratch and past hurts, I've finally made it to the top together with my loved ones and friends.

With the help of my mom, siblings, and friends. I became a licensed professional teacher and a successful business owner of my very own cafè here in my hometown.

My business are slowly growing and growing each time, the franchises of our famous cafè is slowly increasing in different places one to another.

But, I can say that all throughout my journey of achieving it one by one . . .

I still feel like there's something lacking within myself.

The other space of my heart would probably be forever empty since Addi died and even if I know that no matter how much I hate to admit it, the other one is for the man I still loved for how many years.

I may never admitted it to myself but I knew since the day we drifted apart, he will always hold the other half of my heart.

If I could recall it like it all happened yesterday, after we graduated, I never got the chance to take a quick glimpse of him for the very last time after what happened to us.

Deep down as I walk through the path I chose to take in this lifetime, I knew everyday there's no times where I felt like I wanted to see him. I miss him everyday and everyday is another torment for my heart.

There are times where I get to ask myself over and over again. Did I even do the right thing? Was leaving him worth the choice I've made just because I want him to achieve the goals in his life without me hindering it?

Or is it because I'm just too afraid and doubtful?

Naalala ko pa noong maghiwalay kami ay mabilis na kumalat ang balita sa loob ng campus and Bianca even bullied me because they thought I played the man's heart they adored so much back then.

Kahit si Riza at Tati noon ay hindi man lang makapaniwala dahil sila mismo ay alam na alam nila kung anong klaseng koneksyon ang mayroon kami ni RK noon.

I told them the truth and my reasons, I even cried in front of them because of how shamed am I with myself for doing something like that to a man who doesn't even deserve it in the very first place.

They comforted me and keep telling me that I shouldn't blame myself for doing something like that because I am in my lowest point of my life that time and the plans I have for him is just bad in disguise.

Although they understand my point of view, I knew in RK's I was cruel and not deserving for his love.

Ni hindi ko nga alam kung kaya ko pa ba siyang harapin matapos ng nangyari at lalo na ngayong ilang taon na ang nakalilipas.

Sometimes I wonder what would he become after all these years? Did he reach his dreams like I always? Is he more than happier now than he used to before? Did he already get a new girlfriend? Or worst, is he married already? I just don't know.

Kasi kung tatanongin ako, habang pa unti-unti kong inaabot ang mga pangarap ko sa buhay . . . walang panahon na hindi ko inisip kung ano na kayang nangyari sa kanya pagkatapos naming mag hiwalay.

After all I did, I knew to myself that I've been longing for his touch and his presence in my life. I've been longing to see his dark brownish eyes and I have been longing to feel his love again.

“Teh!” rinig na tawag ko ni Riza habang papasok sa classroom kung saan ako kasalukuyang nag c-conduct ng quiz.

Napapikit ako ng mariin bago tumayo para salubongin siya, she's creating a distraction with my childrens.

“Oh?” bungad kong tanong sa babae, nangingiti lang siya.

“May slack daw tayo mamaya . . . ” she uttered, I just nodded my head.

Yes, just like me. She's also a professional licensed teacher now, we're both teaching in the same public school where we graduated.

Unlike me, Riza had greater dreams than me. She's planning to teach abroad but as of now, she's just saving the salary she's been getting for teaching here.

“Tatambay ako sa cafè mo mamaya ha, gagawa lang ako ng lesson plan.” she said while grinning.

“As if hindi mo ginagawa 'yan thrice a week in my cafè huh?” I sarcasm and she just let out a chuckle.

“And oh, hindi na ako sasabay sa'yo papunta ro'n mamaya huh?” dagdag ko, kumunot naman ang noo niya.

“Bakit, saan ka pupunta?” tanong niya rito.

“Kay Addi . . . ” sabi ko at tumango naman siya ng makuha ang sagot ko.

“Okay sige, hintayin nalang kita ro'n.” she said and then excuse herself to leave.

Bumalik naman na ako sa loob at ikinollect ang mga papel ng mga estudyante ko.

Matapos ang slack ay kaagad ko naman ng inayos ang sarili at kinuha ang bag ko para bumyahe na kung saan naroroon si Addi.

It was sunny and the soft wind are softly brushes through my skin.

When I arrived at where she's resting, inilagay ko ang bouquet ng flowers na binili ko kanina sa palengke bago pumunta rito.

Itinukod ko ang isang tuhod sa lupa bago ngumiti at hinawakan ang lapida niya.

In loving memory of

Addison Lee

May 2, 2003 — April 10, 2021

“It’s been a while . . . ” iyon ang unang lumabas sa bibig ko habang malungkot na nakatitig ro'n.

“It would've been nice if you're still here with us, with me.” I murmured and that hit me hard.

I did fly so high along these years, too eager to reach what I wanted to happen in my life but . . . it’s just different knowing that she's not with me along the process.

Maybe life would be different if we both made it together.

At that moment, I felt like there's a heavy void slowly forming inside my chest. I missed her so much every now and then, and that's all accurate.

During the hardships and obstacles, she's been my motivator and my guiding light from above. She made me better version of myself and helped me through the struggles I have to face in every phases of my life.

It's just bitter that her life ended just like that, she didn't even have a taste of how's the feeling of being alive in this world but I believe during her time . . . I knew she made beautiful and unforgettable memories in this world together with us, her loved ones.

I smiled bitterly as I felt the warm liquid slowly streaming all way down through my cheeks, I quickly wiped the escape tears to prevent it from falling.

“Maybe life would be much more tolerable if you're still here with me.” my voice broke.

“I missed you, Addi. I really do.” bulong ko, naramdaman ko naman ang pagdampi ng isang malamig na hangin sa aking kanang pisngi na tila ba may humawak roon.

I just smiled, believing that maybe she was here beside me. Mariin akong napapikit upang damhin ang kaniyang presensya kahit pa alam kong wala naman talaga.

Nagtagal pa ako roon ng ilan pang mga minuto bago tuluyang nag desisyong umalis na nang makaramdam ako ng kakaibang presensya mula sa aking likuran.

Kaagad na nanindig ang lahat ng balahibo ko hindi dahil sa matinding takot kundi ang presensyang iyon ay masyadong pamilyar ngunit kakaiba para sa akin.

It's like . . . I've been longing to that presence for myself to feel after all these years.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as my feel my body began trembling, I don't know what's going on inside me but even though I don't wanna figure out who's the owner of that presence . . . I decided to gather all my courage and bravely turn my back to face him.

The moment we locked our eyes into each other, the wind blows so strong that it made my long black hair softly dances through the air at my back and I felt my heart slowly beating inside my chest. Fast and hard.