when i lie, on my left arm, a snake
coiled like a cushion against the knives,
like a knife against the clouds.
when i fortified my heart
the anxiety became a battering ram
when i fortify my mind it becomes a ladder
from the battered-in, burning-down heart
to the being-besieged brain and the moatless mind.
heartburns, itches, heartwhips, sighs, heartbreaks,
all climb up, rung by rung by rung.
when my dreams shriveled up i gathered them
with my words but when the words themselves
shrivel what do i do?
and they say, good morning, go out in the sun,
but when i wake up to slices of my snake-guardian
i end up snoozing the alarm
(and once you snooze the alarm you enter a relationship with it).
and when everyday you wake up next to a corpse,
and day by day the corpse looks more and more like you,
will you go look at the sun or go look for a grave?
what can they say to us
which we won't hear as either sirens or silence?
(p.s. i still said good morning to my mother and went on a walk to look at the sun.)
~ ajay
11/3/2025
