taraji h.
i lashed out and almost drove my truck into fantasia's boyfriend house. instead i just parked in the alleyway of his crib. i'm always 10 steps ahead of the game. when i saw his face for the first time i had some people to find out everything about him since he was gonna be around my son. i didn't think i would have to use this shit since he seemed like a cool nigga, but boy was i wrong.
only thing was he wasn't in the house when i went in to search. i looked through everything and that's when i found boxes of things that belonged to bryce from a baby until whenever. my mind automatically went back to when tasia mentioned something about his stuff being burned down in the fire. not only did i find those things, but there was pictures that had been tampered with red "x" symbols and something that was similar to a gun hole in his forehead as if his plans was to shoot bryce in his head.
that's when i confirmed it was him. he tried to take my kid out. he wanted revenge for that jamie nigga. come to find out both of them got the same mom, but different pops. his name ain't rodney, it's hakeem. he was feeding her so many lies and she never knew. it's like the cycle is being repeated, but with a different face and reason.
i took a picture of everything in that box. i wasn't gonna take shit or move nothing around because i ain't wanna scare his hoe ass off. i haven't found out where he was yet, but i made sure my people kept a eye out for him.
i went back home and threw my clothes in the washer and took a long shower. when i turned my phone on i had a heap of missed calls from everybody. i ain't have shit to say to nobody right now.
i sat in the shower staring off into space thinking and asking myself why it's always my kids and not me. i wasn't always the best person so i deserved whatever was coming to me. it's like my kids are being punished for my actions in the past. they don't bother nobody so i know it's all happening because of me. i try to protect them from everything and it seems like im failing each time. im failing them, myself, and everybody else.
i won't have peace until i know that dude is somewhere in a body bag. fantasia is the one to blame too. she left him with that nigga even after she found out what he was capable of. i wanna have both of them killed, but i don't wanna take her away from bryce. i just need for her to keep her distance unless it's about bryce or else im gonna be back in the pin sooner rather than later.
"everything ok?" beyoncé had been keeping me company since i stepped out the shower. i really didn't wanna talk to anybody else anyway.
"nah, i need you right now."
"me or what i have in my pants?"
"both if you want me to be honest." i didn't have shit else to take my anger out on, "i have some pressure built up and i need to let it out."
"what's wrong? you know you only have built up pressure when you're angry about something."
"ion wanna talk about it right now."
"okay, well, i'm coming to you soon so i'll force it out of you." she smiled.
"and watch how fast i become a mute." i smiled back. we talked ourselves to sleep.
the next morning i looked at my phone and saw a sleeping bey. she looked so pretty i couldn't help, but to smile at the sight of her. i muted my phone before i got up and did my hygiene. i couldn't stay silent during that so it was best to mute instead of waking her up with my loud tactics.
after i got out the shower i of course threw my hair up in a bun. i was gonna go and get my hair braided today as part of my self care. i needed something to relax my mind since it was running wild.
