taraji h.
i never thought mornings could feel so heavy and sweet at the same time. 2 days in. those days with bey felt different. amazingly different. since i became impatient for friday i'm gonna let bey meet the kids today and bond for more than one day.
it was way too early, but i'm up already awake, listening to soft sounds of bey stirring beside me. she's trying to be quiet, but i know her. i know every breath she takes, every sigh she lets slip when she thinks im sleeping. this morning, though, it's not just relentless. it's the nausea again.
i roll over just as she slip out of bed, clutching her stomach with that grimace im starting to hate. my heart tug. i sit up fast, blanket pooling around my waist.
"baby!" i call out, voice thick with sleep, "you need me?" she nodded without turning around, one hand bracing against the wall as she makes her way to the bathroom. i'm up in a flash, padding after her. i don't care how messy my hair is, or how cold the floors feel under my feet. all i care about is her and our baby.
i found her kneeling in front of the toilet, one hand holding her hair back. i grab a hair tie from the counter and gently sweep her curls up, my fingers brushing the nape of her neck. she shivers, and i kiss her temple.
"i got you." i whisper, "always." she vomits again, and it twists something in me. i rub slow circles on her back, whispering whatever nonsense comes to mind– sweet nothings, promises, prayers. when it finally passes, she slumps back against me, exhausted. i cradle her against my chest, feeling the small swell of her belly pressing into me. we stay like that for a long moment, the bathroom quiet except for the sound of our breathing.
finally, she tilts her head up and gives me a weak smile, "sorry i woke you."
i shook my head, "you could wake me up a thousand times, bey. ima still be right here." she laughed a little. that tired, soft laugh that still sounds like music to me. i pressed my forehead against hers.
***
beyoncé finally drifted off, curled up in the bed, breathing soft and easy again. i stayed a while, just watching her, hand resting lightly over the curve of her belly like a silent vow.
but now, i'm pulling on a hoodie, keys jingling in my hand, slipping out into the cool morning air. i need a minute to breathe. to center myself. and i need to see my girls.
autumn and winter.
it's warm inside when i step through the door, the smell of pancakes and stonewalling around me like a hug. toya was in the kitchen, she saw me and grinned, wiping her hands on a paper towel.
"they're out back." she said, nodding toward the sliding door without missing a beat, "been asking for you all morning."
i stepped outside and there they are.
"mama!" winter saw me first. autumn dropped the sword and raced over to me. both of them collided into me with so much force i stumbled back a steps, laughing, arms wide open. i scoop them up.
"hey my babies."
"mama, when are we leaving to go with you?" winter asked in a whiney tone.
"today, actually." i said as i left a kiss on her head, "im taking bey to go see horses friday too so we can all go and have fun there as a whole, how about that?"
"yes!" winter shouted in excitement.
"good. let's get yall packed and ready to go."
***
i had one more stop before i headed home. bryce.
i drove across the town, the city waking up slow around me, sunlight breaking though the clouds. fantasia's house sits tucked into a quiet street, her porch light still on even though it's well past morning.
