𝐓𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 | 𝑺.𝑺𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒛𝒖𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂

𝟓𝟗 | 𝐀 𝐌𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐀𝐭 𝐀 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞

~*~

"....and that's how we come to present, and now I'm his fiance......."

Genya sat there while processing the whole story of how I met his big brother, summarising what i could remember from the past. However I haven't even begun my story about my big brother, which I needed a moment to prepare myself. Taking a sip of my warm tea, I could see a hint of regret by his words earlier. He didn't know what else to say, before he takes the warm tea that I served him earlier and sips the bitterness down with a slight grimace.

He seemed to take me being Sanemi's romantic partner alright, but he was dealing with his own inner thoughts and the turmoil swirling inside.

"You know.........my own mother, became a demon," I continue; changing the shift of the topic to a more personal one. He glances up in surprise, wanting to make sure he heard right. Giving him a nod with a gentle sigh, "She was actually with child with my youngest unborn sibling, she was the only person in my life that believed in me before meeting Sanemi........my entire clan was annihilated in one night. I had a big brother, that I also relied on........"

The regret washes over his face in realisation; he lowers his tea cup down on the small low table beside him.

"..........so I know the feeling," I spoke; recalling the painful memories of Ryuji. Abandoning me once he realised I was weak, and because I resembled our mother. Even his love for Kanae blinded him to the point he ignored me, and spent more time with her. ".......trying so hard to win the hearts of our elder sibling, trying to show that your strong enough to be by their side is all I did since we lost our family. It's all I knew. It's all that I thought was my purpose, but all that was a waste when he kicked me out of his own home. Since the passing of his lover. Not once had he apologise........"

"What kind of brother would do that?" Genya sneers slightly; finding himself feeling that internal frustration slowly surfacing. 

Nodding in agreement, "He wasn't the brother I thought I knew, and he would go so far to ignore my letters and shame me for being weak," I resume; my thumb tracing the rim of my cup whilst dwelling in the painful moments. "One day..........I was up against an Upper Moon, and majority of my team I lead died because of me.......until my big brother showed up. For a moment I thought 'maybe he was here to help' and 'maybe this is my chance to prove myself'.........but I was wrong......."

My jaw tightens and my throat tightens, swallowing thickly feeling that tightness in my chest compressing my heart. 

"........what happened?" Genya quietly questions; cautiously.

My eyes slowly lifted to meet his own, "He told me at his dying breath, to give up.......and he never once apologised........" I reveal the truth, about my big brother. Genya's eyes widen in a mix of anger and shock. "........he never redeemed himself after how he treated me, let alone even looked at me like he used too. So, when I say I understand.........Sanemi is the opposite of my big brother in this scenario. Sanemi does truly care, but.........he finds it hard to put it to words or actions......."

Genya lowers his eyes in thought, processing the entire conversation we have had. He parts his lips a few times, hesitant to speak for a moment.

"Do you.......still love your big brother?" He questions; his eyes remain staring at his lap.

The question itself was very hard, but I knew deep down that sibling love I have still rests within me. Tucked away, so I wouldn't think of it again. 

"If I'm honest, I do..........." I scoff lightly, following with a shaky exhale. "...........but I also hate him, for abandoning me because I'm weak........even after training blood sweat and tears. I pushed myself til I would break, I didn't rest.......I would even try and ask Lord Himejima or someone to speak to him.......but my big brother was arrogant. The only person who stood in his way was your brother."