It Doesn't Even Matter

Openess and honesty

So... hey... (anxiously waves) I'm back. I know that took awhile and I'm so sorry!!! Apparently choosing to study astronomy in college is difficult and exhausting... who would have guessed that lol. Anyway thanks for the patience and hopefully you are still reading this! I'm not taking astronomy this quarter and I already have the next two chapters partially done. I should be  updating more frequently again!! I've super missed this, so like I said hopefully you are still here and want to read it!🤞Thank you so much for staying if you're here. Having anyone care about and like what I write really is the coolest thing in the world and I feel so lucky and grateful for it! Thank you for giving me that gift! ❤️ Mini emotional moment done for now, happy reading.
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"So I hear you're taking Brit out on a date later, anything special planned?" Drew asks me as I come downstairs for breakfast and I'm reminded of how he reacted last time. Even though his reaction before could have just been because she had a boyfriend and he hated me believing I'd actually do something like try to break up their relationship, I'm still a little on edge. I wonder if Ben and him were friends at one point since Brit was dating him and Drew and her are really close.

"Yep and um just pizza and a movie." I grab the box of cereal that's sitting next to him and raise an eyebrow at Mom. She's pretending not to listen in but she's so obviously not reading the book in front of her. "Do you have something to say?"

"No, nothing from me." I don't get her, she was fine initially when she thought I was going out with Brit excited even so why should it be any different now? I know why a little though, I've told her more now.

"You sure?" She doesn't look at me or say anything. Instead, she just pushes out her chair and leaves the room. I'm not hungry anymore. I wasn't hungry anyway, at least that's what I'm trying to convince myself. Except the room is quiet and neither Drew or Sam try to speak to me after that so it's hard to ignore the tension she's left behind. I'm not going to just leave this be, we've been doing better, we've been communicating. Standing up I head off into the living room to look for her. "Mom?"

"This feels like you're making a mistake." I tense up and wait for her to turn to look at me before speaking but she doesn't. She just stares out the back window into the yard.

"Why's that?" Taking a seat on one of the couches in the room I expect her to turn and face me now and when she still doesn't I feel anger start to rise up out of me. It grows ever more present when she doesn't reply at all and stays quiet instead. "Mom, why do you think it's a bad idea if I go out on a date with Brit? I thought you liked her, and I really like her..." She continues to stay silent and it's becoming increasingly hard for me to hide my frustration from her. "Mom will you please look at me and answer my question." She finally turns, and I can see that she's crying a little. "Mo-"

"I'm sorry sweetheart," she wipes some of her tears away with her hand and I stand up walking over to give her a hug.

"What's wrong, talk to me."

"I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

"I'm not going to get hurt Mom. I like Brit a lot and she-"

"I'm not worried about that type of hurt. I'm worried about," she pauses looking down at the floor and away from me. Taking her hand I walk us both back over to a couch and sit down next to her. We need to talk about this.

"You have to talk to me here mom, I need to know what you're thinking right now." It's tough to put aside how much her opinion means to me, how much it always has. It's a big problem because even when she hurts me I seek her love and approval. Damn. I should probably mention that in therapy.