It Doesn't Even Matter

The welcome committee

Making my way to the office to get my schedule I immediately notice a big difference between me and them. Almost everyone is dressed to the tens like this is a runway show. Designer or name brand clothes, hair and nails perfectly done. All texting on the latest models of phones and talking in huddles amongst themselves. Everyone seems to have a place here and I have no idea where I'd even look for one. They're watching me too, whispering about me. I can tell they're trying to figure me out. They probably think I don't notice or hear them ask there friends who I am but I do. The crowd feels smaller than my old school too and that's not helping either. I suddenly wonder if this is a private school or not. I should probably know that already. I want to look away to the floor but I stop myself, I will not allowing myself to be immediately intimidated by them. I will not immediately fall back into old patterns now that I'm here. It's a new school and I can handle this.

       I try to stop and take a few deep breaths now that I've made it safely into the quiet of the schools office and remind myself to be less paranoid. You've got this. Everything's going to be fine Max, no one's judging you like you think. Looking down at my newly acquired schedule I half grimace unsure whether to be happy or annoyed by the fact that they've placed me down a grade for English and Science. I'm just behind a little they didn't have to make things worse for me here. I had taken my placement test before we moved and I thought I'd scored pretty well up until now. Deep breaths Max. Who cares, just be happy to be here. Why was I letting what they think bother me so much? Let it go, you know who you are. Truth was I knew exactly why it was bothering me except I didn't want to think about that either. New school, new start. I've got this.

Turning a corner out of the office my schedule and map are immediately ripped away from me by a guy I recognize from before as one of Drew's friends. The same one who asked me if I knew how to play soccer. Just my luck. He's laughing at me now and it's drawing attention to us that I don't need. I can feel there eyes again growing more curious. Drew takes my schedule from him next looking at it himself, before holding it out towards me, "Makes sense." It's all he says before he walks away like nothing even happened. Dickheads. I start to walk off again stopping to actually figure out where I'm going and then it hits me. MY MAP! They took my map! How am I supposed to be on time to my first class now? I can go get another from the office after but I do not want to make a scene by showing up late to my first class of the day. I should have just stayed in bed. The warning bell rings and the hall swarms with kids pushing past me. I'm definitely not making it to my first class on time. 405, ok I can do this.

        It's finally time for lunch and my stomach has caught up to me. I think about heading to the cafeteria but remember too quickly where I am and that I still haven't met anyone decent. I wasn't walking in there alone, not today at least. Had mom even figured out how I was supposed to get food? Who was I kidding, she could play up being perfect but look we're I'm living and I came here with nothing today. I don't even know if she's bought me a backpack or any school supplies. She didn't mention it and Drew didn't bring me anything when he got in the car. Other than that granola bar I really wish I hadn't left there right now. Why am I even here? Everyone's been avoiding me all day. My stomach growls again and I can't take it. Despite my better judgment I start looking around for Drew.

I wasn't going to beg him but I don't know maybe at the very least he'd let me get the bar out of his car. I finally stick my head in the cafeteria looking around for him or his friends to no avail. Nope, just Sam and there's no way I'm going anywhere near her if I don't have to. "Hey new kid! I hear you might need so extra cash, I'll let you clean my shoes if you want." Some guy yells across the room laughing with his friends as a few other kids join in. Real creative. It feels like the whole cafeteria is laughing at me and even though I know they aren't, it's hard to convince my brain of that. There laughing seems to cover all the other noise and I freeze. My breathing is picking up and I know I have to get out of here. They seriously think this is funny? There still laughing. I clench my fist together at my side into tight balls and turn around to leave before I do something I'll regret later. But there still laughing and- fuck, I'm about to do something I'm sure I'll regret later.