It Doesn't Even Matter

Christmas Eve

We freeze, and I stay frozen even after Oliver starts the car to rolls down the window. I don't know how he's moving, let alone making it look so casual. "Officer."

"Evening gentleman everything ok here?" The cop in front of us turns off his flashlight, leaning in, squinting at us with one hand on the roof.

"Yes sir, we just got a little lost and figured we better pull over to look for some directions." How is he so calm right now? I do my best to fix my face into a neutral position and am blown away by how at ease Oliver is appearing.

"Where are you head to?"

"Culver."

"Well, you certainly aren't near there." We're made. "Your phone couldn't get you in the right direction? It's dangerous to be pulled over on the highway this late at night."

"His is dead. Mine has no signal." Oliver says motioning with his head to his relic of a phone sitting in the middle console. "Anyway you could point us in the right direction would sure be appreciated."

"You probably have some people pretty worried about you, what are you going to Culver for?"

"Visiting my mom for her birthday. I've been trying to reach her but haven't had any luck." The longer this goes on the more impressed with him I'm becoming. "Anyway we can borrow a phone from you?" The officer in front of us hesitates this time officially unsure of us and doesn't reply. Oliver doesn't say anything else either.

"License and registration please." Ok this was bad, really bad and it's all my fault.

"Sure. No problem." Oliver nods again in my direction towards the glove box and I open it quickly trying to stay calm, digging for the paperwork to his car. I watch him pull out his license to hand to the officer just as a car speeds past behind us way over the speed limit. The cop turns his head slightly shaking it and turns back to us just as a second car pushes through in front of the first. He sighs not taking Oliver's license from him.

"I'm letting you off with a warning, there's a gas station a few miles back. Turn around here and go ask for directions and no more pulling over late at night on the side of highways got it."

"Yes sir."

"You could have been killed." His eyes move to that stupid spot on the side of the road and he winces when he looks back at us clearly seeing now that we've both been crying. "I-" another car goes passed racing like it's trying and failing to catch up with the last one. Racing isn't all that uncommon down here, neither is drunk driving, he has a point to be worried about us. "Just get going, and visit your friend in the daylight next time ok?"

"Yes sir." We both say in unison this time, still holding in our breath even after the window is up. Only letting it go once he's far gone and we're half way home.

It's Christmas Eve and I'm officially regretting every idea I've ever had, especially this one. This just felt like a better idea in my head. But now, knocking on Oliver's door feels a little too risky, especially because I haven't told him I'm coming. I don't know if he even wants me here. He's been so quiet lately. I mean this last week since our car trip out of town has been hell. Both of us tiptoeing around one another. Half finished sentences between us, lots of uncertain looks.

Still I wanted to keep this tradition alive, I wanted to have a moment between us that was just us again. Where he was just Oliver and I was just Max, where none of the bad shit seeped in. So I knock anyway, get no reply, and then close my eyes to get myself to knock again before he finally pulls the door open. "Merry Christmas Eve." Oliver looks exhausted, his glasses are on sort of crooked and he's still in pajamas. "Shit did I wake you?"