More Than A Game

Chapter 35

Walking in the apartment, I threw my bag against the table as I dropped onto the couch, feeling rather exhausted and on many levels; confused. Placing my face upon my hands, deep down I wanted to scream and let out all my frustration.

How could I be so stupid to not realise that go through with my feelings for Ollie lead me to suffer so much? I felt lost, lost because no matter which way I tried to address my situation, it would always look bad. I took a deep and sharp sigh as I wondered deeply about both guys.

What possessed me to go behind each guys' back and play them both as if they were just an inanimate instrument? What happiness did it give me to play with their strings, each playing a song filled with much sadness as well as a false sense of happiness?

I could feel my eyes beginning to water as I thought back to the first time I fell in love with Chad or so I thought.  That night Chad dropped me off home after our night at a cafe in the city, I remember finding our hands accidentally interlocking together and as embarrassed as I was that night, I now realise that, that was the start of something I once believed was a beautiful relationship.

What did I cherish more in my life; Chad's simplicity or Ollie's fast paced adventures? A more romantic feel or a kind of lustrous vibe? The boy next door or a more upbeat personality? Honestly, right now wasn't the right time to make decision because I wasn't in the right headspace.

My mind began to slowly wander to think about the times I went behind Chad's back and automatically could feel a trail of tears dripping down my cheek. I felt ashamed for lying to my boyfriend, what difference would it make with no matter how many excuses I made for myself?

I let out a choke as a trail of tears began slowly dripping down my cheek. Maybe I would have just been better off without either guy, but then again I probably wouldn't since my mind would've gone insane trying to work out who I wanted to spend my time with.

Softly crying to myself for the next few moments, I gently wiped away the tears from my eyes as I could hear Chad making his way from behind me. My heart felt as though it sunk, I really didn't want Chad to see me in the state I was in. As he let out a rather loud yawn, once again I wiped away the tears from my eyes as I fixated my posture, switched on the TV and stared at the screen.

"Hmm hey babe. Man, was that a great nap I had. Where's Grace?" He asked as I stayed quiet. Glancing at the screen, I had realised Catfish was on and decided to just leave it on, continuously changing it would make him suspicious.

"Oh well, she's probably just still working at the boutique, I'll call her to see where she is." Chad added as he made his way towards the kitchen. Thank goodness he was in the kitchen, now I could finally take a breath. My eyes were still stinging after crying those tears out but right now, I really just wanted to go to sleep although it was too early to go to bed.

"Grace said she's out but will be back later in the evening. Apparently she's out with a friend, I don't know much so yeah that's that sorted."

Once again I stayed quiet as Chad stood still; I could feel him looking at me in concern towering over me as I shuffled uncomfortably in my seat.

"Are you alright babe, you seem a little bit I don't know, quiet which is very unusual for you." He said as I moved my head downwards to face the ground.

"I should be fine Chad please don't worry." I mumbled aloud as more tears rolled down my cheek. The more closer Chad got, the more guilty I became. He began moving closer towards me and sat right next to me on the couch as I bit my lip anxiously. Trying my hardest to control my emotions, I failed as a loud choke emerged.

"Carmen? Hey Carmen, are you. Are you crying? Has something happened, oh god please tell me, I honestly hate seeing my girl upset?"

"No. No, nothing. I'm sorry, I'm just a little emotional tonight because -" I paused looking around the room trying to think of a believable reason that wouldn't make Chad suspicious.