My Vengeful-Ex

Chapter 88

Logan 

I couldn't eat. 

I couldn't sleep. 

I couldn't work. 

All I could do was go over the memories of the past six months and wonder where I had been wrong. Why had Christine left me? 

I loved her. 

God, I loved her so much that even thinking about her hurt. Why did Christina do it? How could someone fake their feelings to the extent that they felt real?  

Why couldn't I see through her facade? 

How could I believe that she was in love with me? I was the son of her housekeeper and a bastard on top of it. 

Why would a Duke's daughter fall in love with me? 

What did I have to offer her other than my love and loyalty? Christina surely didn't desire them both. Nothing mattered to her, neither me nor my feelings for her. 

I rubbed my hands over my face and sat on the couch in my living room, where I had been lying since I returned from her Uncle's house. 

Liquor bottles littered all over the floor of my living room. Uneaten stale food was lying on the coffee table. My clothes reeked of sweat and booze. 

It had been seven days, and I was still drowning in my pain. I couldn't believe Christina would ever betray me like that.  

She was not just my lover. 

Christina was my best friend. 

We had known each other for over a decade, so how come I never saw her true face? How could I let her toy with me this easily? 

I pushed to my feet and headed to the bathroom. I couldn't even bring myself to look in the mirror. I was afraid that what I would find in my reflection was a ghost of a man.  

I had waited for a text or a call from her, but I got none. She wasn't bluffing. Christina had ended things with me. She didn't want me anymore, and I needed to get that into my thick skull. 

What was I to do with my heart? 

The stupid piece of flesh that only loved and desired her. Even after hearing all those things she said, my heart was still in an illusion that it wasn't real. 

That Christina wouldn't do it to me. 

My heart urged me to go and see her again and that something was wrong and she hadn't broken up with me willingly. Even though my mind argued with my heart that everything was over and nothing was left, my heart still longed for her. 

I splashed water on my face and then washed it with some soap. When my gaze fell onto the mirror unintentionally, and I saw my reflection, bile rose into my throat. Kneeling before the toilet, I  threw up into it for the nth time in the last couple of days.

Fuck.  

Get your shit together, you bastard. 

I cursed myself for acting like that, but I couldn't help it. All I could think or feel was that nothing was left for me in the world to live. 

The only people that had been the driving force in my life were Mom and Christina. I lost Mom years back, and now I had lost Christina, too. 

Why was I even alive? 

Why couldn't I just kill myself and get over with it? What stopped me from taking my life and freeing me of that indescribable pain and hurt? 

Why did I still expect her to come back to me? When she made it clear that she didn't want me. Why did I deceive myself? Why did I still wait for Christina?