Getting Over You

Maybe I Still Love Him

*Arianas POV*
While I was uncontious I dreamed that it never happend. That Sean never fake exposed me or stabbed my boyfriend. That the person I once loved could do such awful things to me and the people I love. I keep asking myself why I keep getting myself into this drama, why is my life as a celebrity so hard. I knew the moment I started getting recongnized that life wouldn't be as simply as it once was but never in my life did I think I'd be going through this. I still remember all the drama I went through with Jai. I remember all the cheating rumours surrounding me and Jai and Nathan. I remember all the crap that I went through with Mac Miller, even though we didn't really date we just kissed sometimes and were super flirty. He through we were in a relationship so when I told him I didn't like him anymore he lost it on me and Sean. Ah Sean. He was the perfect boyfriend, I had the perfect life with him. I don't completely regret breaking up with him but at times I miss him so much. I mean I love Ricky with all my heart but sometimes I wonder if in my mind he's everything but in my heart he's just a rebound to stop me from crying over Sean. I mean obviously Sean isn't over me but... I don't know, maybe I'm supposed to be with Sean? Maybe I still love him? At this moment I'm having so many confused emotions. I mean the only reason we broke up really is because of all the distance. But now he's always around me. He doesn't look at other girls he just keeps chasing me. I don't understand what he's doing to my head. I feel pain in my heart every time I'm not with him. Maybe there is still hope for us? No. I have to repress these feelings! I LOVE RICKY! I love Ricky. I love Ricky? I love Ricky. I'm caught between them both and I can't tell which one I love more. I want Sean back but I don't wanna loose Ricky. Ricky is the sweetest guy and Sean always caused me pain but.. I don't know anymore. I mean Ricky loves me and he's always on tour with me cause he's a dancer but I want Sean. I didn't when I had him but now I want him back. But I don't really want him. What's wrong with me? Why am I chasing after someone who doesn't love me when I have the most perfect guy ever. What the fuck is happening in my head? I need to wake up. I need to wake up. Wake up! WAKE UP! WAKE THE HELL UP ARIANA! Please... Please wake up. I need to find out who I love. Maybe I don't love either of them? My heart is playing tricks on me. I can feel myself crying but I can't wake up. What the hell? Why can't I wake up? WHY CANT I WAKE UP!!!????