Getting Over You

I Had To Hurt Myself

*Ariana's POV*
I've decided that I'm not waiting to go to some hotel to Come out to Ricky. The hotel is an hour drive and I won't survive traffic with this on my chest. I wanted to do this face to face but the sooner I tell him the sooner I can tell my fans, and they are the people I care about the most. The longer I keep this a secret from them the more my anxiety kills me. I need to call Ricky right now and tell him so before I leave the house then I can make a video for my fans. I don't wanna post my coming out on Twitter or Instagram because I wanna say it out loud, it means more that way.

*ring ring*
A "hey noodle"
R "Ariana what's up, where are you?"
A "I'm still at home"
R "what!? Why aren't you on the road"
A "because I need to tell you something important"
R "okay..? Can you make it quick please"
A "Ricky I can't make it quick I need to say this"
R "ugh fine"
A "are you mad?"
R "no I'm just busy"
A "Ricky.. I'm bisexual"
R "is that it?
A "yeah that's it but this is a big deal!"
R "what do you want me to say? It's hot I get it"
A "no it's not like that, Ricky you don't get it"
R "just hurry up and get here and we can talk"
A "I need to do some stuff first then I'll be there"
R " *mumbles under breath*"
A "what?"
*hangs up*

I feel tears welling up in my eyes. I thought he would care more. I wanted Ricky to tell me he accepted me and loved me not that he thought me kissing girls is hot. This is all going to wrong! First my family laughs and now Ricky doesn't even care. I hope my fans are more forgiving.

The anxiety starts to go crazy inside of me and I fell rage and sadness. I run to my bathroom because I feel like puking. I look at myself in the mirror. I hate myself. Why can't I be normal? Why do I have to be famous! What's wrong with me!! WHATS WRONG WITH ME!?!? I've never felt this way before. I'm home alone so I know no one can hear me screaming. Not that anyone cares. They all made that very clear today. Everyone I cared about laughed at me. I'm going through something big and I have no one. It's my fault I'm so broken. I hate myself and I hate my life. I feel rage and tears are running down my cheeks faster than flowing rivers. I look down at the razor I use on my legs. I pick it up and sit on the floor. I hold it up to my wrist and press with all my force. I feel nothing! NOTHING! The stupid plastic protector is stopping me. I grab my soap dish and start smashing it. Finally the blade is free. I stand up and look at myself in the mirror. I'm a mess, and ugly mess. I roll up my sleeves again and look at the blade. I could do it. I could slit my wrists. I deserve it I know it do. I deserve to feel pain but I'm weak. I hold up the blade to my skin but I can't do it. I get even madder at myself and I start screaming and crying. I press the blade into my skin and I feel it. IT HURTS LIKE A BITCH!! IT HURTS LIKE I DESERVE.. I made three deep cuts and I was going for a fourth when I finally realized what I wAs doing. In a moment of weakness I did what everyone always tells people not to do. You don't know how many times I've told a fan to stop cutting or how many times I've seen it onstage and then taken the time to take a fan backstage to make sure they where okay. Now the victim is me. I need to talk to someone but I don't know who. Everyone I care about made me this victim and they don't care. The only person I haven't told is Sean. I know we broke up but I'm sure he will listen. I look in iCloud for his number, blood dripping down my wrists. I dial and it starts ringing. I'm still crying and I'm on the floor bleeding, praying he will answer his phone and fix this. After the seventh ring he picks up.

S "hello?"
A "Sean?"
S "Ariana?"
A "Sean I did something bad"
S "are you okay?"
A "no" *cries*
S "where are you?"
A "my house"
S "I'm coming"

He hangs up and I pick up the blade again. Three cuts. I press it into my skin again. By the time I hear someone at the door there are seven cuts on my arm. I hear the door slam open and Sean yells my name

"ARIANA!?"
"SEAN"

I scream crying repeatedly. With the blade still pressed against my skin I hear him running upstairs. He bursts through the door and then stops. He looks at me on the floor crying, blood running down my arm. I see so much shock and sadness in his eyes.

"Ariana.."

I start crying and pick up the blade again. He runs to me grabbing the blade and throwing it out the door. He grabs a towel and wraps my arms holding me in this arms as I cry out.

"Baby what did you do"

I just keep crying and crying while he holds me close

"I can't do this anymore" I cry

"It's okay angel I have you"

"I'm sorry Sean"

"Shh it's okay, your okay, I have you"

After an hour of crying and him holding me tight I close my eyes. He picks me up and turns on the bath. He undressed me and puts me in the tub washing off the blood and my tears. Hand washing me until I was clean and sane again. He drains the tub and dries me off. Wrapping my arm with gauze and putting me into a pair of warm pyjamas. He carries me to my bed and turns on the tv.

"I'll be right back, don't move" he says

I see him walk out the room and I follow his footsteps to the kitchen. I hear him moving around down there and I assume he's making food. After a few minute I hear him come back.

"I made you some food and I brought your dogs up from the den they were locked in I hope you don't mind, I though the might make you feel better"

"Thank you"

Cinnamon and Toulouse run up and jump on the bed snuggling into me. Then coco and Ophelia. Sirius and Strauss come as well. All of my dogs sit and snuggle on the bed. Sean hands me a plate of cinnamon tofu and the leftover squash from dinner Yesturday all warmed up. My favourite treat. He also hands me a glass of almond milk. Then he goes up to the tv and pops in a Broadway movie. He knows exactly what I like.

"Are you gonna be okay alone?"

"Sean, don't leave"

"Okay, I won't"

"Hold me"

He climbs onto the bed and holds me close. We snuggle in and watch the movie.

"Sean?"

"Yeah?"

"I need you to call Ricky and tell him I can't see him tonight"

"Okay, where's your phone?"

"In the bathroom"

He leaves the bed and walks out the room.

*Seans POV*
I have no words to explain what I just went through. I'm not even going to talk about it. I'm just here to make sure Ariana is okay. That's all I'm gonna say. I'm speechless.
I pick up her phone and dial Ricky.

R "Ariana! Are you here?"
S "Ariana isn't coming"
R "who is this?"
S "Sean"
R "son of a bitch"
S "she's not feeling well"
R "then why are you there?!"
S "she called me"
R "that skank"
S "hey! Watch it"
R "don't defend her she's my girlfriend!"
S "I'm only hear as a supportive friend!"
R "yeah right motherfucker"
S "watch your tone little boy"
R "get your fat paws off my girlfriend!"
S "I could if you had been here for her"
R "she was supposed to be here with me!"
S "wow, I wonder why she's not"
R "that's it Sean. I'm coming to fucking kill you"
*hangs up*

I walk back into Ariana room

"I heard yelling, is everything okay?" She asks

"Yeah everything is fine angel just close your eyes"

I hold her again in my arms and watch her sleep. I'm not leaving her side.

*rickys POV*
I get into my car and start driving. I speed up the Hwy all the way to town. I stop at a bar and I drank until my hands were numb. I get back in my car and speed to Ariana's house. That whore and that prick are about to get what's coming to them.