Getting Over You

Been Thinking Bout You

*Ariana's POV*
I don't know if I ever mentioned this before but I.. I've known Ricky for years, he became my dancer way back when I was an actress on Victorious and I always thought he was funny and cute. Most of the songs on Dangerous Woman are about him.. I regret to say. But a few are about Sean. Actually two of the songs are about both of them. Into You & Knew Better/Forever Boy are about my troubles with Sean and my love for Ricky. Sometimes is about Ricky too, even though it's all lies now. It's about never leaving. The ironic thing is leave me lonely is about choosing between Sean and Ricky.

I Wish I had known who Ricky really was before I fell deeply in love with him. I always fall in love too fast and give up too soon. The only guy I've ever been with for over a year is Ricky. And I know what your thinking... "But Ariana you were with Sean for almost 4 years!" Well.. I can't believe I'm telling you this but... While I was dating Sean I was cheating on him with Ricky. I know I'm a terrible person right! But with Sean it was so public. With Ricky it was a secret get away, I didn't have to be Ariana grande for him to love me. But apparently I was wrong. When me and Sean came to an end i was finally free to be with Ricky, but as soon as we made it public it has less meaning. And I didn't cheat on Sean all the time it was just random times when Sean was far away I would hook up with Ricky. I regret every second of it now. He just made me feel better. It was a dumb mistake but it's too late to take it back now, I wish I could though. I mean not take but being with Ricky, just take back cheating.

I know that Sean is the clear choice for me now but I don't wanna get back together with him while there are still lies around it. God knows that if I don't tell Sean about me cheating Ricky will. I wanna be fully honest with him even though he will leave anyways. But I want him to know the kind of girl I am. But it's also obvious me and Ricky are over. Actually I think it was over before we started, but we made it work for a whole fucking year. But was I really happy? I'm Sorry. But I need to make my choice because being with neither of them is killing me. But in order to make my choice I have to really see what kind of guys they REALLY are this time. It's 7am now and I think I hear them in the kitchen. I better get up. If I don't get up now I don't think I ever will. My bed is warm and cozy, and if I never get up I won't have to choose, but if I don't choose I might die so I better get moving right away.

I get up and walk over to my mirror. I see the scars on my arm from last night and try to hold back tears. I've never seen that much self hatred for myself before. I need to get my life back on track. I mean I'm supposed to be celebrating my album comes out in a few days for fuck sake! And I'm proud of that. I run into my closet and grab my dressing gown. I'm not wearing any makeup but that's okay because if they want to love me they are going to have to love the all natural me. I brush my teeth and walk downstairs where I see Ricky on the couch watching car racing and Sean in the kitchen cooking breakfast. I stand in the doorway and stare at the both of them for a few minutes. Admiring the detail of each of them. Thinking hard to myself for a few seconds before speaking.

"You both stayed" I said catching their attention
"Of corse" replies Sean
"For you, anything" says Ricky

Seans rolls his eyes and looks backs at his cooking, invite me over to see.

"Oh my god, Avocado Pastries? My Favourite!" I squeal.

Ricky walks over to us

"No eggs? What kind of breakfast is this"

"Ariana is vegan.."

"Right, but I'm not"

"Then make your own damn eggs!" Sean raises his fist

"Hey, hey no need to fight. I don't have any eggs here but maybe we can go out for lunch after and you can have brunch?" I say

"Whatever" Ricky says taking a bite of toast and walking back over to the TV

"Asshole" Sean whispers

I sit down at the counter and dive into my breakfast, it's so delicious! Sipping my orange juice I look around the room. Thinking hard about my choice.

"I love you" I say out loud waiting to see what they will both say

"I love you too" says Sean looking over at me from behind the counter while Ricky says nothing and continues to watch the TV.

I really want to get Ricky's attention so I lean over the counter and start kissing Sean. Ricky doesn't notice.

"Oh Sean" I say loudly but Ricky doesn't move an inch.

I jump onto the counter sitting in from of Sean and wrapping my legs and arms around him while we kiss. Try very hard to be loud, Sean catches on to what we're doing. Both of us laughing and kissing loudly while screaming each other's names doesn't get Rickys attention for a good 10 minutes, but when he finally looks over he jumps from the couch and runs over to us. I jump off the counter and let go of Sean.

"WHAT THE FUCK" he yells

"It was a joke Ricky" I say trying to calm him.

In a perfect world Ricky would kiss me and both me him and Sean would head upstairs for a threesome but I sort of knew that would never happen. But a girl can dream. I accidentally laugh out loud and both of them look at me funny.

"Threesome?" I ask

"What the fuck Ariana" Sean replies laughing

I see Ricky giggle a little too, we sort of fall into a puddle of laughter on my kitchen floor. I love this feeling. I wish I could date them both. They both make me so happy... Then I remembered why it would never work. It's was fun for a few seconds laughing together but then Sean and Ricky were back to fighting over me. They would never change, which is why I have to choose. To be honest I haven't really chosen yet, and I'm even wondering weather or not I might wanna date someone else, a girl maybe. I don't know what I want. All I know is that the more these guys fight the harder it is for me to move on. I haven't chosen but I will soon. For once I'm going to let my heart speak and trust it when it tells me who it desires.

"We need to choose now" I say

"Really..?" Says Ricky

"I wish we had more time" Sean adds

"It's time"