still functioning

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I wake up tired
before the day even begins.
I tell myself it's fine,
that I can push through
just one more time.

I smile when I don't feel okay.
I talk when I want to stay quiet.
I act like everything is normal,
even when my chest feels too full
and my thoughts won't slow down.

All day, I pretend.
I pretend I'm strong.
I pretend I'm calm.
I pretend I'm not breaking.

When I finally get home,
I let it fall apart.
I collapse onto the floor,
cold tiles kissing my skin,
let the silence surround me,
let the tears come
because no one is watching.

I rest just enough
to stand again,
to put myself back together,
to face the world once more.

Because tomorrow,
I will do it again.

I will smile.
I will perform.
I will function.

And that-
that is the quiet cruelty
of high-functioning anxiety.

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