I'm not into love

Chapter 30- I'll stay

Driana's POV

Nandito ako ngayon sa lugar na alam kong magpapagaan ng loob ko.Hinanap ko ang isang bagay na sadyang pamilyar sakin at nakita ko na ito sa wakas.Unti-unti akong lumapit dito at umupo sa harap nito.

Ngumiti ako't nagsalita.

"Long time no see....

ate ."

kasabay nun ang mapait kong ngiti at ang tuloy-tuloy na pagtulo ng luha ko.
I didn't even dare to wipe it away.There's no sense of it anyway.
My mask just can't cover my real face completely anymore.

Not after what happened.

Sa harap ko ngayon ay wala namang iba kundi ang lapida ng ate ko-ang mismong puntod ng ate ko.

"Ate kaya pala...ngayon alam ko na kung bakit ayaw sakin ni daddy" at mas lalong bumuhos ang luha ko.

"Ate alam mo kaya?" ngumiti uli ako ng mapait.

"Na hindi tayo tunay na magkapatid." tumingala ako ng unti at napasinghap.

"Siguro nga hindi mo nalaman kasi kung sakali ngang nalaman mo siguro katulad kadin niya na masama ang pakikitungo sakin, I can't blame him.I'm not his child." another batch of tears fell.

"Bakit ganun? Ang sakit sakit.Ang sakit sakit ate..." pinukpok ko ang dibdib ko dahil pakiramdam ko namimilipit ito.Hindi ako makahinga.
Ang sikip sikip.

"Patawarin mo ako ate at naging mahina ako.Hindi ko na talaga kinaya ate, masyado ng masakit.Akala ko kaya kong indahin lahat ng sakit sa mundo,akala ko kaya ko but  one truth suddenly..broke me.Ha-ha" I tried to laugh but failed.Instead,more tears came out from my eyes that it already stings.

"Nakakaawa ako..pathetic is what I am but I think it's worse than that." dahil kung tutuusin kulang pa ang salitang pathetic para idescribe ang kalagayan ko ngayon.If there's a percentage of being pathetic I would probably beyond 100.

"I was too confident.Too confident that no one or nothing in this world can break someone like me but then look at me now ate.....

I just wish I was the one who died, not you.You deserved living ,I do not." a sad smile formed in my face.

"How can I possibly be worthy of living?Eh kung tutuusin nga I am far from being a saint or from being a good person and even far from being like you.But  destiny's been playful wasn't he?I am not the worthy one but I am the one who actually lived.How ironic.How STUPID."totoo naman eh.Me living is just plainly stupid.

"It's really stupid and ....

nonsense.

Nabuhay nga ako pero buong buhay ko naman pala ay pawang kasinungalingan lamang.Ang saya lang  diba?" I laughed sarcasticly.

"Bakit mo kasi ako iniwan?" akala ko ba hindi mo ko iiwan?Hindi bat ipinangako mo yun noon pero asan ka ngayon?Bakit iniwan mo ko?Another batch of tears fell.Hindi na ba mauubos 'to?

" ikaw lang naman ang tanging totoo sa buhay ko ....ikaw lang ate.Pero wala ka na ngayon and I think all the truth in my life died with you also" kaya hindi ba pwedeng bumalik ka na lang? samahan mo ko ngayon at damayan.Dito ka na lang sa tabi ko just like you would always be,just aa you promise you would be.Come back to me,will you?