My Neighbor I Know So Well (AmeCan)

Closing the Curtains (America)

6 June, 2015

     It took me a lot of nerve to pick you back up and skim through your pages after years of being stowed away in my storage room. Well, to be honest, it took me a lot of nerve and the help of a friend to enter my storage room after so many years of being locked up and forgotten for strict purposes. I'm a very sensitive guy when it comes to sentimental items that bear so much history, you being one of them. I looked back on my first entry and compared the me then, to the me I am now. If you read closely, you'll see how much of an idiot I was. Though, who's to say I'm still as much of an idiot nowadays? 

     I really wish I could've gained the confidence to open the door and pick you up sooner because so much has happened while I was out and about. For instance I got into a fight with Ivan and he threatened to release nuclear bombs targeting my country. Whenever I look back on it, I shake my head for being so dumb as to allow myself to be overwhelmed with our competition to see who's the better man. Another is the event that happened on September 11, 2001 where four planes crashed in three different locations and sent the whole country into complete shock. I had to attend therapy for a long while because of this and how it affected me. A most recent one actually happened today, and it was that marriage is legal for any and every orientation, so this being said, me and Matthew can at last be together not as boyfriends, but as a married couple! I remember all of the times he and I would fantasize how life would be like when we would (not if) be married. We even fought over who would be the one to carry who bridal style down the isle and into the car. Mat said that he should be the one to carry me because he's more fit (to which I had a good ten minute lecture saying how that is not true), but I counter-attacked that and said that I'm way stronger than him which resulted in seeing who's the more "dominant" one as he, or rather everyone, likes to call it. Surprisingly, I lost!

     Today Matthew and I went back to the lake I took him to when we first were able to go out on free reign. When he caught sight of where I was taking him, he gasped and covered his mouth with his hands. The whole walk to our spot I was tracing the curves of the little velvet box in my pocket. Once we arrived at the spot and reminisced about our past, I took a deep breath and slowly pulled out the box, revealing a ring and holding it towards him. Matthew was in tears, and when I had finished asking the permission of his hand in marriage, he repeated "Yes" over and over through shaky breaths. I cannot be any more happier than I am right now, this massive feeling of ecstasy coursing through me is causing my hands to shake as I write! Even as I write with one hand while the other holds his that bears the ring while he sleeps, it'll be a miracle if I am able to finish writing in this state that I'm in! It was funny, he asked me when I had bought the ring, and I told him that I bought it after we were done arguing who would be the husband and wife in this relationship. I've been saving up for special purposes, and this was the most important of them all. 

     Mattie and I have changed so much, I am still in awe at how we're still moving on strong together after so much mayhem and problems have happened to both of us that could've ended us in an instant! I'm still laughing at how stupid I was in thinking that we were too different to even become acquaintances, when really we weren't that different after all. I'm glad we aren't, sure we don't always agree on everything, but that doesn't mean we can't solve something together. Oh, trust me, this has gotten us through so many conflicts in the past which could've possibly driven us nuts if the two of us had kept arguing. I am so astounded that he had put up with me all these years and still does to this day, I don't think anyone could and would. I know I wouldn't want to.

     If I had the choice to rewind time and start anew, even if it means not having all of the stupid choices I've made ever happen, I wouldn't take it. Hell, I won't even hear any of it. Sometimes if the question was too bothersome for me to hold in, I'd ask, "If I had never pointed my musket to your head that day, do you think we would still be where we are now?", and he'd reply with a simple, "Not a chance that would happen." 

     I am so lucky to have met someone so sweet, sincere, and loving such as Mattie. I used to see him as my brother who takes really good care of me and watches over me so I don't do anything that could possibly be life-threatening. But it was when I began having strange feelings in my stomach and heart whenever he was with me or brought up in  conversation did I start seeing him as something more. I mean it, if you saw how I acted, talked, and looked whenever he was next to me, my pupils would grow larger and I'd stutter like a dummy! I'm just glad he didn't take advantage of this and made me do things.  Whenever I think about Mattie's character, I think how much of Francis's (his dad's) personality had rubbed off on him. He sure knows a lot more about love than I do. 

     Yet he was always unpredictable, even when I first met him in that little dusty room I couldn't read his expression. That was what made me nervous as time passed, I didn't want to screw up and make myself seem more of a fool like I already was then and today. Y'know, it's scary how there's no simplicity in reading how others are feeling. Then again, we're all humans, and humans themselves are unpredictable. Actually, although our existence isn't exactly human due to our strange immortality, we still hold the characteristics of one, that I can say. I'm not saying this because a fortune teller had my future told for an overpriced fee and was completely wrong. Well, maybe twenty-five percent I am. What can I say? She blew me off!

     Love, it's all I can feel right now, and it's what I want to feel everyday when I wake up in the morning and look at Mattie's face. If I didn't feel or think the way I do now, I'd tell myself how much of a softy I'm being. Then I would tell myself how much of a douche I was for seeing that way. 

     Because in the end, all we have is each other. It's like a you-me-against-the-world sort of thing. Neither of us asked for it, everything that happened had just tallied us out.

     Well dear diary, it's been a long road for the both of us. Taking you with me everywhere I go for the sake of doing so, writing down everything I find really important, tearing out a great amount of entries because I found them so cheesy or wasteful, and being my friend when no one else was and I was completely alone to do whatever I wanted even if it was in the means of hurting myself just to feel something. You've done so much for me and I am so sorry for taking you for granted in the beginning. To think that diaries wouldn't solve my problems, I was wrong to believe that. 

     Thank you so much diary for letting me vent out to you and for listening to everything I had to say. Yet I am not convinced that this alone makes up for every little thing you've done, so with all of the energy left in me, I will say this:

I love you, dear diary, and I will never forget all of the times you've helped me even through the littlest of problems. 

Your keeper, Alfred