Fate's Cruelty

Chapter Thirty Three: Noticing

Chapter Thirty Three: Noticing

                I told him.

                I told Ethan everything, starting off with the pregnancy up until Adam’s confession of being in love with me. He was shocked when I told him I was with child and even more shocked when I told him what Adam had revealed, but in the end Adam’s truth was forgotten and replaced with the joy of once again being a father.

                He had promised me that this time around, things were going to be different, and deep down I knew they were going to be. Despite what Adam had said, I knew that I was willing to take a risk in being with Ethan again and it was a simple reason why.

                I loved him.

                And he was the father to both my children, even if one of them was deceased, and Ethan was my future, he completed our little family. I touched the flat of my stomach and smiled slightly as laid in bed thinking about what was to come. Sure, at the moment things weren’t going as planned, sure there were problems but they would fix themselves.

                Everything would be okay.

                It just needed time.

--

Three months later

                Adam moved out. Paisley moved in with Nick and Gracie was constantly either working or at school. Things had changed ever since getting back from the cabin three months ago. Everything changed once every one knew I was pregnant and honestly I hated it.

                I had passed all my college exams, including my nursing one and now that classes were done and summer was half way over I spent my days inside the house doing absolutely nothing. My mother had come up to visit a few times in the last two months, things between us had gotten a bit better but it still wasn’t that relationship that a mother and daughter should have.

                Things with Adam hadn’t changed, ever since that night we hadn’t talked. I tried, I really did but he just ignored me. After he stayed with Tyler and the guys for about a week he just ended up moving, and the way I found out was when I came home to find him packing up his truck with all of his clothes.

                Days later Paisley moved in with Nick. Her due date was getting closer and closer as the days went by, her baby could be born in September while my due date ranged from the end of November to the beginning of December. It was creeping closer also and I was afraid Ethan wouldn’t be here for the birth.

                I found out what the gender was this month and as of now, I had no one to go with me. It had always been Paisley, she had gone with me every time after my first appointment but now… now I wasn’t so sure who would go.

                It felt as if I had lost everything- everything because of this pregnancy that I was dealing with alone.

                I had lost the one person who had been there for me through everything ever since I could remember back to. He was right- he was there and now looking back I did notice the signs. I recalled the way he looked at me, the way he was always dropped whatever he was doing the moment I called. Everything. I noticed everything at that moment, standing behind the kitchen counter it all dawned on me.

                A part of me loved Adam, just not in the way he claimed to love me and it broke my heart knowing that I hurt him. Knowing that I was the reason to why he no longer talked to me, it hurt to know that I was the reason he left.

                I gripped the kitchen counter and gasped for air. The aching in my chest increasing as the more memories flooded into my mind.

                Adam catching me in his arms the moment I found out I was pregnant the first time around.

                Adam cradling me as I cried.

                Adam holding me as I slept.

                Adam sitting at my side the moment I told my mother.

                Adam answering his front door the night Ethan walked away from me when I told him I was pregnant.

                Adam kissing my forehead and telling me everything was going to be okay.

                Adam skipping school so he could care for me.

                Adam holding my hand the moment I walked into school.

                Adam punching a guy in the face when he said something I never clearly heard but he had.

                Adam dragging me out of the house a month after locking myself away in my room.

                Adam kissing my forehead as my mother drove me to the hospital the day my water broke.

                Adam holding my hand the entire time I was in labor.

                Adam crying when Ezra was born.

                Adam crying when the doctor told us he wasn’t breathing.

                Adam fighting against security when I told them to make him leave my hospital room.

                Adam sneaking back in and holding me that night.

                Adam driving me home the day I was released from the hospital.

                Adam staying with me every single night for a month straight because I was that much of a wreck.

                Adam silently holding my hand the day of the burial.

                Memory after memory, it all came rushing back and it all became much clearer.

                How could I have not of seen it?

                How had I never noticed?

                No guy would have of done that. It was too much, even for a guy best friend.

                “Oh my god!” A male voice rushed, voice broke me out of my flooding thoughts. I looked up, seeing Adam drop his bag onto the floor and rush towards me. I hadn’t realized that I was on the floor. I was slumped against the kitchen cabinets, clutching my shirt above my heart.

                It hurt.

                It hurt so God damn much knowing that I lost him, lost everything basically, everyone.

                “Are you okay? Why are you crying? What happened? Can you hear me? Dammit Carmen answer me!” He yelled. He had a crazed look in hir eyes; he was worried, a sign that he still cared, and didn’t know what to do. It was visible in his brown eyes and I knew that I needed to respond but it seemed as if something was lodged in my throat. I opened my mouth and tried to talk but I couldn’t speak.

                He cared, he still cared. Even after all this time, all these months, Adam still cared.

                He wiped away at my cheeks, clearing tears that I never even noticed before and pushed strands of hair back. “Carmen, babe, talk to me.” he pleaded.

                I’m sorry. I told him in my head.

                I couldn’t speak, I opened my mouth, probably resembling a fish out of water but nothing came out, nothing but a chocked up, horrible sounding sob. “I’m so sorry,” I told him and pulled him in close. “I’m so sorry.”