Ecie & Esme III: Forever and a Day

Seven

'How are you feeling Ecie?' Carole asked looking across at Ecie.

'I'm feeling okay,' Ecie nodded. 'I don't know.'

'What happened?'

'Well Lauren's parents are staying with us,' Ecie replied. 'Her mom is really sweet and is so nice, but her dad is just rude.'

Carole nodded. 'Did he say anything?'

'It's like all dad's just hate me,' Ecie said sadly. 'But then again Caner's dad doesn't hate me. He likes me; but Landon's dad doesn't seem to like me.'

'Ecie,' Carole said. 'Concentrate. One thing at a time.'

Ecie nodded. 'I've just got to remember that I'm doing this for myself. I deserve to be happy. I'm allowed to be a little selfish.'

'Do you want to talk to Boston?'

'I think I might have to call him,' Ecie replied. 'I need his words of encouragement.'

'Well you have his number and you know he'll always be around to talk to you,' Carole replied. 'Has anything else happened? I know you've been a little busy recently.'

'Well Landon asked me to move in with him,' Ecie replied. 'I haven't talked to him since, and he's been calling me like a thousand times every day. I don't see why he doesn't just give up.'

'I think he might love you,' Carole said. 'Perhaps that's why.'

Ecie laughed. 'I know he does, but there are times when I don't want to be in relationship. There are times when I just want it to be me.'

'Why is that?'

'I love Landon, I really do, but he's always there. Sometimes I want to be by myself and I don't want anybody to be with me. I don't want to be touched or talked to,' Ecie replied. 'But then there are times when I want him to be there all the time and I don't want to be away from him. It's like a tap or a switch. It's constantly on and off.'

'And is that why you don't want to move in with him?' Carole asked. 'Or is this what you're telling yourself is the reason why you don't want to move in with him?'

Ecie looked at Carole.

'I'm only here to help you decode your thoughts,' Carole replied kindly. 'I'm merely translating your thoughts so that you can understand them.'

Ecie sighed.

'What is the real thing that is holding you back?'

'Ellis,' Ecie replied. 'It's always Ellis.'

'What is it about Ellis?'

Ecie saw Ellis grin at her and felt as he kissed her on the lips. She then felt the slam of her head against the cold tiles on his bathroom and the hard pelt of his fist hitting her jaw.

'Ecie?'

'I'm worried that I won't be safe,' Ecie replied. 'When I was with Ellis, I was living at home so I could at least get away from him somehow. I hate to think about what things would have been like if I'd been living with him.'

Carole nodded. 'So what are your fears with Landon?'

'We fight a lot,' Ecie replied. 'I'm scared that if I live with him, he's going to hit me. I'm scared that I'll have nowhere to get away to. I'm scared that I'm going to be trapped inside this violent, aggressive Landon bubble for the rest of my life.'

'Has Landon ever hit you before?'

Ecie shook her head.

'Has he ever threatened you?'

Ecie shook her head.

'Has he ever abused you in any way?'

Ecie shook her head.

'Has he ever fought anybody in front of you?'

Ecie shook her head.

'Listen to me Ecie,' Carole leant forward and crossed her legs. 'I know that things are going to be tough for a long time, but trust me things do get better.

'I know they do,' Ecie replied. 'But I'm just scared. I'm so scared of what's going to happen. How do I know that what happened with Ellis won't happen again? How do I know that I'll never be put in so much danger again...?'

'That list can go on for years, dear,' Carole smiled kindly. 'You don't know and that's the truth. You don't know that what happened with Ellis won't happen again; you don't know that you'll never be put in so much danger again. You don't know that there'll be an earthquake right now. All you can do is hope that it doesn't happen again and have faith in yourself. I don't know how many times I've said this to you, but you are such a strong and determined young woman. You are mature and headstrong. You've been through so much and you've come out looking like a champ. Even Rocky himself would be jealous.'

'Thank you,' Ecie chuckled.

'You've got to believe these things for yourself,' Carole said. 'You've got to believe in yourself and you've got to trust your decision. You like to see the best in people and you shouldn't be punished for that at all.'

'Okay then,' Carole said looking at her clock. 'Just before we finish, I've got a couple of things I want you to do for me.'

'Okay,' Ecie nodded. 'What is it?'

'First of all I want you to make a list of all the things you are scared or nervous about in your relationship with Landon,' Carole replied. 'I want you to be brutally honest with this list, because it's necessary for you to be honest with yourself about this.'

'Okay,' Ecie nodded typing this into her BlackBerry. 'I can do that.'

'I want you to bring Landon to our next session,' Carole said. 'He needs to come with you along with your list.'

Ecie looked at Carole. 'Huh?'

'I feel like these sessions cannot progress unless we tackle certain aspects,' Carole replied. 'I won't be asking him to come to another session, but I think you two need to talk without you walking out. You've got to be able to communicate properly.'

Ecie hesitated. 'Okay.'

'You need to tell him to do the same thing,' Carole said. 'He needs to write a brutally honest list of all the things he is scared or nervous about in your relationship. You both have to be as honest as you can, even if it means hurting the other person's feelings.'

'I'm going to have to tell him about Laguna, aren't I?'

'That's all up to you Ecie,' Carole replied. 'I'm not going to force you.'

Ecie sighed and slumped back into her seat.