I listened to Tori Kelly's Nobody's Love on repeat while I wrote this. Maybe the song would help you guys enjoy the story better. Anyway, thank you for reading my stories!
***
I'm spending my morning alone in Cara's apartment, sipping my coffee while rereading the last book of Hunger Games again to prepare myself for the last film of the Hunger Games series next month. Cara left early in the morning, kissing my half conscious self goodbye as she was off to some photoshoot for the day. The bed was cold without her when I woke up. Three days spent waking up beside Cara already got me used to have her as the first thing I see in the morning, the first touch I feel, the first voice I start my day to. I wonder how the hell on earth I would survive if she left me someday. I'm starting to feel uneasy at that thought and quickly stop myself from worrying. Nope, I'm not going into that now.
I look back into my book to distract myself from the horrifying thought. The last movie is going to be awesome, I thought. I have seen the latest trailer and got so excited because of how good the trailer was. I grin widely as I make some mental note to get myself a ticket at the opening day. I am most certainly cannot wait for this movie. Does Cara love it too? Does she want to watch it with me? My mind seems to find its way back to Cara, whatever the topic it was on before. I can't get her out of my mind. I guess that how it works when I'm madly in love with someone. She's the one that matters the most now. Closing my book, I get up to change my clothes. If I'm going to spend my day thinking about her, I rather do it with her around. Maybe she would be happy if I surprise her at the photoshoot.
I've never been at a set of photoshoot before, so I am amazed by how terribly rushed the people in it. Everybody seems to move with a hint of urgency, doing things like fitting clothes, doing somebody's make up and hair do and all of those things. I quickly feel like I am out of place here. Sure, I did the last runway project, the very same project where I met Cara. But I had a purpose back then and doing my things separatedly from the glamorous world of fashion industry. And now, I just feel like I'm a hideous creature among these beautiful people. Not really good for my ego, I must say. I look around, desperately wanting to find a familiar face that I have learned to love endearingly. I'm standing awkwardly as I'm searchig for Cara, inviting unfriendly glances directed at me. Yeah, I know. I do not fit in here. No need to make it clearer that it already is.
"Excuse me, you can't be here. This is a closed set." Finally a security guard found me, already motioning me to the exit door as he talks.
"Um," I say nervously, "I'm here to see Cara Delevingne."
"Of course you do." He scoffs, like I'm some crazy fan of Cara. Maybe I am. I don't know. "But you have to go and wait outside now. Ms. Delevingne is busy."
So here I am, getting kicked out of the set as I'm not really sure how to explain my relationship with Cara to this man. I'm torn between endure this embarrassment and insist to meet her or just give up and leave. I suppose I should have seen this coming. I'm nobody after all, nobody as important as Cara. I have no place here. With my back hunched in defeated manners, I slowly turn away and leave the set.
*
Reality definitely has a impeccable timing to kick you out of your dreaming state. When we are alone, she's not some unreachable supermodel slash actress. She's just Cara, the woman I have grown to love, with her wicked sense of humor and caring look. But out in the real world, where everybody else knows her and nobody gives a shit about me, I doubt that we stand a chance to be together like we do alone. Godamnit, why does it have to be so hard?
When she gets home, I'm back to my book, reading silently while my mind keep replaying the previous embarassing moment. Maybe I am a masochist, but I cannot let it go. Reality did a number on me today. She probably senses that something is wrong, as she silently sits beside me and touches my arm.
"Hey, love. What's with the sad face?"
I smile weakly at her, unable to tell her the embarassing story. But I know that this is something that we should talk about. It's a ticking bomb, just waiting to blow any time now. I rather be hurt now, than suffer the aftermath later when I was already fall to deep for her. So I clear my throat.
"Well, I went to your photoshoot today." I grimace, hating the words that about to come next. "At least I tried to."
"Really? Then why didn't you find me?" A concerned look takes on her beautiful face. She rubs my arm in soothing manners as she's waiting for me to continue.
"I got kicked out of the set by the guard." I finally blurt the words.
"What? No. Oh, I'm sorry, love. I guess they just didn't expect you there. It's the protocol of closed sey after all."
"It's okay," I cover her hand on my arms, wanting to remove the sorry look on her face. Pity is the last thing I want from her. "It just made me realize that we come from different world. You're being a celebrity and I'm just the nobody."
She scoots closer to me and gathers me in her arms. "Don't say that," she whispers to me, her mouth achingly close to my neck. Miserable as I am, she still has this power over me. My insides melt instantly as I feel her close. "You're not nobody to me. I'll tell the guards who you are later and you'll be free to visit me on set anytime you want."
"But that's not the point, Cara," I say bitterly. "People doesn't expect somebody like you," a knot forms on my throat as I'm saying this, "being with somebody like me. I don't fit in in your world."
"Oh, Jess. Please don't read into this more than it really was." Cara tries desperately to calm my rising fears. Fears of the future of our relationship.
But I stop her there and continue. "What if it's you that is coming to my workplace? I doubt that anybody would stop you from barging into my office. The only question that everyone would be asking is, 'what the hell is Cara doing with her? Why her?' And I would be asking the same question along with them. Why me?"
"You said it before. That's the point of falling, remember? I didn't really get a say on whom I fell for."
Of course I remember my words. But I was oblivious to the reality then. Now I see it clearly. And I cannot ignore this any longer. So I ask her the question that has been bugging me since this morning.
"Are you going to watch Hunger Games next month?"
"Huh?" She looks so surprised at my out of nowhere question. As she glances at me, she understands that I am serious about it. "I guess so. I'm invited to the premiere here in London."
"That's what I thought too. You would be watching it at its premiere and posing at its red carpet. I was about to ask you to watch it with me on its ipening day but then the reality hit me. That's just not how it is going to be."
She falls silent as she's thinking about the actual mean of my question and response. It finally hits her too, I think. The differences of our world. And how the hell are we going to do about it. But then, she grins excitedly.
"So come with me to the premiere," she grabs my hand excitedly. "Then everybody would know what you mean to me."
I look into her eyes and I am surprised to see so much hope and love in it. She's serious about this. She truly wants me.
