I can tell that she was being honest with me in every words that she said. It's the ways she looks at me. Longingly, like I am the only one that she truly wants and absolutely can't have. I know that look. That's the way I used to look at her face on my phone screen for months after we broke up. I am absolutely terrified of the possibility that I might be sporting the same look right now. I reason with myself that it's absolutely normal to have some sort of feelings with the first girl whom I truly loved. The urge to send away this miserable look from Cara's face with a kiss and the urge to go back to Sophie right away are battling in my mind. I need to escape from Cara's presence right now, while my sanity is still intact. The problem is, we're still up there in London's Eye. Probably for the next five minutes or so. Damn her. She sure knows how to trap a girl.
"Look, Cara. This situation is making me uncomfortable, okay? Can we just stand in silence until we hit the ground and go to our separate ways?"
She nods in understanding. I almost let out an relieved sigh, but she speaks again. "Sure. Just say yes or no. It's quick and easy. After that, I'll leave you alone."
Her persistence, which is almost admirable, if only it's not pissing me off right now. I glare at her, but she's not backing away.
"Fine," I spit out my words angrily. "Yes. I still have feelings for you. You happy now?"
She looks at me like I just grew a second head or something. Her eyes grow wide and her mouth is slightly open in shock. I absolutely enjoy the effects of my confirmation to her. Now that she knows, what's she going to do about it?
"You still love me and yet, you are still going to marry her?" She speaks slowly, like she's still processing the whole situation while she talks.
I only nod to confirm her assumption. She looks like she's deep in her thoughts, probably from thinking what kind of moves that she should do next. I like to give the element of surprise, since it would screw up her plans. I am no longer the wide eyed girl, who was easily charmed by her celebrity status and gorgeous face.
She kept her promise to leave me in peace until we get out of this damn thing. I make a mental note to avoid being suspended up in the air while doing some serious talks in the future. Finally our car halts into a stop and I get my feet on the ground again. I hurriedly walk out of it and enjoy the cold night air. She's still walking silently from behind me, looking miles away in her own mind. I lead our walk to the parking lot, throwing a glance or two in her direction to check up on her. Maybe it feels worse to know that your loved one has the same feelings but still doesn't want you, than to understand that the feeling isn't mutual so it's best to let it go. The devilish power of what-ifs is stronger now, probably more than she could bear.
I stop in front of my car and turn to say good bye to Cara. She still has this faraway look on her face. I clear my throat to get her attention. "Well, this is me."
"I know. Thank you for playing along for me. I really apreciate it." She holds her hand out and I lift my own up to shake hers. But she didn't plan to shake hand with me.
She pulls me fast and before I get the chance to react, we are locked in tight embrace. Her warm breath is tickling the sensitive skin on my neck. Her sweet body scent attacks my senses and I'm starting to feel like I'm still up in the air. Suddenly weightless. When she opens her mouth, she speaks directly beside my ear.
"I am sorry that I hurt you so much, your trust in me is almost impossible to repair. I wish our love is enough to mend what I have broke in the past. But now, we're just have to live with our feelings for each other and be satisfied with our separate lives."
She presses her face hard to my neck and I can feel her hot tears running down to my skin. She nuzzles my neck and wraps my waist tightly with her her arms. If there's such thing like the last hug, it would feel something like this.
