She came home agitated, slammed the door behind her, stomping her way to the living room. She tossed her things all over the place and glared at me. I was slouching on the sofa, enjoying my day off from set. I immediately straightened up and waited until she was ready to share her irritation with me. There's no use of interrogating. This girl would only open up when she wants it. While she calmed herself, I scanned through my mind of things that I might have done to pissed her. Nope, I was sure that it wasn't me. So I waited. She walked to kitchen and I followed her like a lost puppy, unsure of what to do. She poured herself a glass of wine and cocked her head at me, silently asking if I would want one too. I nodded gratefully, feeling relieved, as it confirmed my assumption that I wasn't the one that pissed her off. I figured that it was my sign to speak up.
"What's wrong, love? Did something upset you?" I tried to speak as gently as I could, considering her current mood. She only flicked her gaze at me and continued to pour some more wine to her glass. "Nope, still isn't the right time," I thought to myself.
Then she sauntered off to the balcony and plopped herself down onto one of the lounge chair. I picked up my glass and followed right behind her, setting myself on the chair right beside her. She watched the view of London while sipping her wine for a long time until she finally opened up.
"So I ran into Cara this afternoon." She calmly stated like it was nothing. But it set out my alarm and I immediately tensed beside her. She glanced at me and put a comforting hand on my thigh. "Relax, it's not what you probably think. Well, she was being a jerk. That's all."
"What did she do?" I hated the fact that Cara was still have some power over Jess, making her all upset like this. She was supposed to be gone. I thought that all of these was in the past. Yet here we were.
"She was just being obnoxious and said some rude things to me."
"Can you be more specific about that?" Now I was the one that being upset. I did not like this. "What did she exactly say to you?"
"Look, she was just trying to get into my head, okay?" She sighed and looked like she regretted that she told this to me. I was glad that she did not hide this away from me, but her hesitation intrigued me. "She still thought that us, I mean she and I, would ended up together."
"What the f-," I started to curse, but Jess stopped me. She only shook her head slowly at me and I closed my mouth off. "It's not true, right? You're still here with me?"
"It hurts me that you still need to confirm that to me. I am here with you. Not with her." She pressed her palm against my thigh, emphasizing her point.
I held my hand up and tried to suppress my irritation. "You're right. I am sorry. But what am I supposed to think when you came up her all upset like that? You're still not fine about this. About her. About us."
She dropped her arms on her side and twisted her body so she was facing straight at me. She looked like she didn't want to have this conversation any more than I did. "You're right. I am sorry, baby."
"I am right about what?"
"I was totally overreacting over this. I am fine now. It's just hard to ran into one of the exes." She looked pleadingly at me to drop the topic off, but I still wasn't satisfied with her answer.
"All of the exes or just her?" I pressed again. Come on, Jess. Convince me that this is the real deal.
"Well, she is my recent one. So it's particularly harder with her," she answered diplomatically. Then she placed her soft hand on my cheek and rubbed it in comforting circles. "I love you. You know that, right?"
"And I love you too." I pressed my head against her hand, melting in her gentle touches. "So much."
*
After that last glitch in our relationship, Jess was being more attentive and affectionate to me. She dropped by to my set unexpectedly, bringing food or my favorite cup of coffee along with her. All of those small but caring things. It was like she's trying harder in this relationship. Or some guilts drived her. I don't know. Her last encounter with Cara brought me into this uncertainty about our relationship. That girl once meant the world to Jess. Can I beat that? Do I even have to compete with that? Treating my relationship with Jess like it's some race to win?
Jess is having a girl's night out with her friends, leaving me pondering alone on our apartment's balcony. I already finished my third glass of wine and start to work on my fourth. I thought the alcohol would help me calm my mind, but it just dragged me farther down into my thoughts. I look back and see our home through the glass door. The traces of our life together are scattered around the apartment. I can easily picture her lazying on the couch, with an opened book on her laps and a glass of wine on the coffee table. She would be on her favorite oversized t-shirt and comfy sweatpants, ready for bed. I smile at the thought of us, lying on our bed together after a long day at work. We would swap off stories about our day and cuddle together under the blanket. She would lay her head on my chest, my arms around her.
I have grown to love the life that we built together for the past four months. She's all that I want, now I am sure of that. I always send my gratitude for the higher power that sent Jess into my life. I am glad that she chose me to be the one who fixed her broken heart. She has changed the game for me. It's not about the chase anymore, but more about the win. Hell, I really want to win, being out of this confusing game once and for all. Is it too early for this?
