My fingers trace the smooth texture of Jess' wedding invitation. I just got it yesterday and I can't seem to take my eyes off of it. Maybe since we finally decided to try being friends with each other and all, she thought that it is fine to invite me. Well, it is not. You shouldn't invite your exes to your wedding. It's one of the cardinal rules in the path to marriage handbook. Just don't. Save yourself from any confusion and your exes from the heartaches and gloating. Just go on and don't ever look back.
The longer I see her name written beside Sophie's, the stronger my urge to torn the damn paper up. I toss it onto the coffee table without looking, not really care where it would land. I lay down on my couch, turning on the television just to break the deafening silence in the room. The whole situation finally hits me hard. This is really happening. She's going to be somebody's wife only within two weeks from now. Ever since I got the news, there were a whole damn lot scenarios running in my mind. About how to get her back. Or how to let her go. But none of them seem even slightly doable for me. I am stuck. My apartment is a mess. I can't seem to put up with daily chores. I am no longer able to function normally. I didn't get much sleep. I didn't eat much. I didn't get out of my apartment for days now. It's like my body finally collapsed, just like my heart did.
"Ted, you strong son of a bitch. I wonder how you did it then. Being a best man on the love of your life's wedding. I think I rather die than standing only meters away from my should-have-been bride." I said, referring to one particular heartbreaking episode of How I Met Your Mother. I watched the whole nine seasons of it last week, skipping onto the episodes that relate the most to my own situation now. Knowing that somebody had it worse than I do is mildly reassuring. Though there is one major difference between my life and the series. In the end, Ted got the girl. I might not. Shit, right?
*
After one week of the grid, Kendall and Jourdan finally can't put up with my mourning period and paid a visit to my apartment. They barged in without invitation, using the spare key that I gave to them. When they first stepped into my apartment, they were shocked by the state of it. Dirty laundries were all over the place, empty pizza boxes on the floor, me not moving from my spot on the sofa. After they got over the intial shock, they went right to work, cleaning up my mess. Maybe they knew that I was still not ready to talk then. So they gave me more time, while tried their best to make my house more liveable.
An hour later, my apartment is shiny clean and there's a pot of chamomile tea on the coffee table in front of us. It smells great. I don't know how it works, but tea always makes everything a bit better. Kendall and Jourdan is sitting right beside me, with a concerned look on their face. Jourdan, the mother of the gang, puts a comforting hand on my thigh.
"I heard the news. Come on, talk to us, Cara. We are concerned about you."
"What's there left to say? She's gone. I can't deal with it. End of the story." I send a pleading look on her direction, asking her silently to drop the topic and leave it as it is. Just leave me in my misery.
"I know, baby. I know." Her voice is so soothing, I feel tears starting to form on the corner of my eyes. She sees it and pulls me into a hug. "I'm sure that there's something that you can do to end this. One way or the other."
"There isn't. Believe me. That's all I thought about since the day I got the news." At the end of my sentence, my defenses finally break down and I cry against Jourdan's chest.
They sit in silence with me, giving me the time to let out all of my emotions. I can't stop the tears, like there's a dam broke inside of me and let out all of the buried sadness from my heart. When the tears finally subsided, I feel lightweight, almost empty. Jourdan puts a cup of tea on my hand, which I accept gratefully. I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with the soothing scent. After I managed to pull myself together, Kendall speaks up.
