There's nothing like going into a place, where nobody knows your name, to help you find yourself again. There's no one there to judge, to give a shit about what you want to do with your life. No expectations. No second glances. So far, my experiences in Bali has been rejuvenating. I've kept no agenda or any sense of schedules for my days. I tried to be spontaneous, taking the chances, embracing the changes. I discovered new places, met new people, smiled a lot more than I used to do for the past months. I saw sunrises, noting the fresh start every single day. I saw the sunset and the spectrum of red in the sky. I said good bye to a part of my heartaches every day. Setting them free into the vast ocean before me.
For my first week in Bali, I stayed at Seminyak, the more vibrant part of the island. I felt the hype and the lively nightlife there. Hopped from one club onto another, flirted shamelessly with another tourists. But nothing more, as I still didn't want to touch anybody else but her that way. I walked along the beautiful little shops at the Seminyak Road. Everybody seemed to take their time here, even the locals. This is the place where vacation never really stops. And the food here was great. I could find every kind of dishes from around the world here. And everything was a lot spicier here, even the girls. People came here to feel free and young again, away from their hellish routines back home. Just like I did. The beaches were amazing. I avoided the more recognized ones and went to the less crowded beaches in Uluwatu. The vast beach sand surrounded by steep cliff, with crystal clear azure water ahead. I even learned to surf there, even though I wasn't any good at it. At least I tried. I guess that's all life wants from us. To try our hardest. I didn't go far from where I was, heart broken and unsure of my plans for the future, but I made the baby steps.
After I got tired of the fun and games in Seminyak, I moved on to Ubud, looking for serenity. The crowds here were a lot more older and richer than Seminyak. They already had their share of fun in life. They were looking for some sense of peace, for purpose in life. Looking at the endless steps of rice fields, as far away from modern civilization as you could be, everything seemed less frightening. Maybe it was the amount of greens that you saw, but I found my peace there. And the spa experiences were amazing. The sandalwood incense scent filled the air, the faint sounds of running water and the magnificent touches of the masseuse seemed to sent my troubles away. God, I'll probably start to list great massage to my dream girlfriend criteria. Well, Cara gave some great massages.
I went to the top of the hill there and saw the full moon. The full moon was our thing. I love it so much, I insisted Cara to see it with me whenever possible. We used to kiss under the moonlight, intertwining our hands as we danced under it. I used to call her mine while she was wrapped in my arms. What I didn't know then was I also shared her with another women. At least only for the nights. Shit. I got myself a beautiful woman from Australia to enjoy the maginificent view of the full moon. With wine glasses on our hands, she whispered that she wanted me for the night. But I didn't. She wasn't the one I wanted. It seemed that my heart was still hers after all. So I let the beautiful blond go, disappointed and slightly embarrassed. The fact that I hurt her made me feel awful, but what can I say? I got a stubborn heart which was still living in the past. It didn't fully realize that we have been betrayed and tossed away by the woman who owned us completely.
*
"She's the only one I want, you know?"
I know that I'm losing my shits altogether when I'm trying to talk my problems out with the ocean. I stare at the racing waves on the beach, daring them to answer me. I saw Ted did the same thing on How I Met Your Mother last season and it seemed like a pretty good idea to me at first. How he let Robin go at the beach, by having a conversation with himself. It seemed like the appropriate thing to do for a hopeless romantic like myself.
