"Is it too late now to say sorry? Cause I'm missing more than just your body." I sing with all that I have along the latest Bieber's hit. Head nodding with the beats, meaning every single words of it.
"Geez, Cara! Turn that thing off!" Kendall finally snaps and snatches Cara's phone from her hand. She presses the stop button with more force than necessary. "I swear if you play this song one more time, I'm going to go crazy."
"Hey," I protest when the music stop suddenly. "I was hearing that!"
"I know. For the whole freaking month!" Kendall rolls her eyes at me, evidently annoyed by my current choice of song. "Get over it already!"
"It just suits my mood," I shrug while taking my phone back from her. I go through my bag to find my earphones. We are sitting on the dressing room, while our stylists fussing all over us. There's not much to do while we're waiting so we try our best to entertain ourselves before the show.
"Maybe it does, but you're not acting like it, Cara."
"What do you mean? No pun intended here." I grin while I mention the other Bieber's recent hit.
"You're not acting like you're sorry." I can tell that Kendall wants to raise her eyebrow, but unable to do so as her stylist is currently doing hers. So she has to be satisfied with only a glare. "You're moving from one girl to another like you're changing clothes. You didn't even make it a secret, just letting it show for the whole world to judge."
I snort at her last words. Yeah, like I care about what people says. That's the last thing on my priority list right now. Probably for ever. They don't own me, so why should I care?
"I know that you don't care about that. But what about Jess? What would she think about all of these stunts that you pulled? Did you really think that she's going to take you back after all of these news of you?"
"I don't know anymore what to think of her." Even my voice sounds so defeated, so desperate. "She's out of the picture, Kendall."
"That's because you pushed her away!" She finally lost her patience and almost yelled at me. "And even more so with your actions now. So make up your mind. Do you want her back or not? Whatever your choice is, start to act accordingly."
Then she adds with more emphasis. "And stop playing the damn song! I'm so sick of it."
I grin widely as I press the play button and let Justin annoys the hell out of Kendall. She shoots me another pointed look before she turns her head away and wear earphones to block out the sounds. I only laugh and feel way to satisfied than I should have. Oh well, that's what best friends are for, anyway.
*
I'm laying on my back, staring at some stranger's ceiling room. Kendall's words are still haunting my mind. Act accordingly. I admit that I've been a horrible ex to Jess, sleeping around like this. I just wanted to fill this emptiness that she has left me with. But after more girls than I could count, I still feel it anyway. It would never been the same without her. She has ruined me for another lover, as there's no touch as blissful as hers is to me. I missed her awfully. I glance at the sleeping body next to me and let out a tired sigh. If I'm going to spend the rest of my night missing Jess, perhaps this isn't the best place to do so. I extricate myself from the stranger's bed and gather my scattered clothes as I make my way to the door. I throw back one last sweeping look at the room to make sure I don't leave anything here. A thought crosses my mind. If I was with Jess, I wouldn't have to do all of this one night stand dance. I wouldn't be creeping quietly toward the door, while the room still smelled like sex and shame clouding my head. I would be sleeping contentedly, within her arms. I would be happy.
"Did you already find someone to replace me?"
I am looking at her face, whispering softly the question that has been haunting my mind. Our photo together is still displayed as my phone wallpaper. I was kissing her cheek while she was laughing at the camera. We looked so happy together. Everything was perfect. I remembered the time when we took that picture. We were having dinner together at our favorite Italian restaurant in London. We seated at the balcony, overlooking the Thames. The moonlight reflected on the silk smooth water surface. Jess called the restaurant strings quartet to played her favorite tune, Moon River. It was so romantic. The place, the view, the moon, the music. Just before I took our picture together, I whispered, "I'm so glad that you took that crappy runway project, love." Then she laughed heartily just after I said that, making our picture as perfect as the moment was. That moment, I wouldn't have imagined that somehow we would go our separate way like we do now. God, I fucked up so bad.
And now, I'm standing at the balcony of my apartment. My eyes are locked on the same full moon that was appeared on that night. The moon that she loves so much. She always texted me whenever it was full moon out there, urging me to go outside and see it. "I want to share it with you, even when we're miles apart", she said. "See it shining above you and know that I'm thinking about you," she said. Are you looking at our moon and thinking about me too, love? I'm unconsciously humming Moon River as my heart longing for her presence next to me. She was everything to me. And now everything turns into nothing.
