I sit on the porch of my villa, cold beer in hand while looking out to the black ocean in the distant. I can see the dark outlines of the dock from here. The flickers of its oil lamps, the splash of waves againts the wooden deck. The two dark figures on it, standing closely together. Closer than I am comfortable with. I take a healthy swig and reach out my hand to grab my pack of cigarettes. I slip one between my lips and let it hang on there unlit.
They stood away from each other at first. Now the distance isn't there anymore. I light my cigarette and inhale deeply, letting the poisonous smoke fills my lungs. I hold it there, with my eyes closed. Then I release it. Where do I stand now? Cara is on her side. She's probably saying things that she doesn't really mean, reminding Jess things that belong in the past. I take a drag again, sending swirls of smoke into the night air. Let her choose. What's between them is not my fucking problem. I won't hold her back. I won't grip the sand tightly in my hand.
One of the many benefits from being a beloved movie star is that I don't have to compete for one's love or attention. Especially when I do not specifically want somebody's love. If she wants me, great. If she doesn't, next please. I have never shed a sweat or a tear for love. I do not intend to start now. But deep down, I know that it's time. I can't let this one go this fast.
*
I like Jess. A lot. The night when I first met her, I saw this sad eyed girl, staring at the waves. Talking to the waves, or whatever she was talking to, is not usually my choice of problem solving methods. It's actually pretty crazy. I almost ignored her and passed her by. Fate had another plan apparently. I caught her eyes, brimming with unshed tears. I felt a twist on my heart when I saw the pain on her face. I thought that she was going to jump into the ocean or something. So I talked to her, the stranger on the edge of the beach. She turned her head and something clicked inside of me. I felt like I needed to make her feel better. I sat by her side, taking the place which was obviously just being left by somebody.
I asked her what was wrong. She spoke with a soft voice, almost as soothing as the sound of waves around us. I learned that the easiest way to cheer someone up is to offer them a smile. Or a hug. But it wouldn't be wise if I hug some stranger on a secluded place at night. She saw me like she just saw the sun for the first fime. Something was rising from the sadness in her eyes when she saw my smile. A hope. The newfound light in her eyes altered her image completely. I decided that night that I really, really liked what I saw. I liked the way I felt when I turned her frown into a smile. I like the way she looked at me that night. Like I was an answer for the nagging question in her mind. The one that she have been searching for on that beach.
*
We were walking on the beach, splashing each other with the incoming waves. We laughed so much, feeling a little bit buzzed after our cocktail time. She usually didn't drink much, but tonight she let her guards down. We danced, our body moved together in a wonderful unison. She swayed her head from side to side, slightly off the beats. I jumped along the music, shouting the lyrics until my throat hurt. My hand always placed on her hips, marking my territory. Nobody dared to interrupt us. Together, we were unstoppable. The night flashed by, wild and fun like how life's supposed to be.
"I've never had this much fun in my life," she giggled, stumbling to keep up with my pace.
I looked back at her, pausing my walk to catch her in case she fell. A rather big wave came by and splashed her right on the face. She shrieked and stopped dead, rather shocked by her now soaked state. She looked at me in disbelief, didn't even bother to wipe her drenched face. I was unable to hold back my laughter. Her expression was priceless.
"The ocean just slapped you on the face, Jess."
"Oh, shut up," she wiped the seawater from her face and splashed it at me. "God, what a mess. Look at this. I am wet."
I just had to respond to her ambiguous comment. "Not exactly how I imagined you would say it, but please continue."
She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Geez, you're impossible."
She motioned at me to come forward with her finger. A sexy smile on her lips, a promising one. Like in a trance, I stepped into her spell. I took each step slowly, my eyes never left hers. She stepped toward me too, closing the distance between us. Her hips swayed from side to side. I didn't know which one to focus on, her hypnotic gaze or her sinful body.
"I am so glad that I found you, Sophie Turner." She whispered this to my ears. Her lips were barely an inch from mine. The drumroll. The moment before our lips touched and our heart melted into each other. The torturous yet wonderful moment.
"Let's break each other's heart."
When she finally claimed my lips with hers, the time stopped. I didn't hear the sound of the wave. I didn't see the blue sky above. I didn't feel the sand on my toes. She was the only thing that went through my brain. Her tongue swiped my lower lip playfully, her hands on my neck, crawling up to my hair. I pressed my palms on her back, pulling her closer.
All my life, I have always loved the game. The chase, moving forward. Catch and release. It has never crossed my mind to stay. With her warm body in my arms, I didn't want to go anywhere anymore. Holding on to her, I felt like I was losing my grip. Boom. She came into my life in broken pieces. I picked up the pieces, playing puzzle with her heart. Even though the last pieces still wasn't in place, I knew that the whole image is going to be beautiful. Now she's claiming those lost pieces, which are still in somebody's hand. I wish that she'll come back to me, handing in the final pieces. I wish that she won't take back what I already got in hand.
Let's break each other's heart, Jess. You don't have to worry, because I'll fix it all again. I already did for the first time anyway.
