When I landed at Labuan Bajo, I finally understand the reason why Jess chose this place to escape. The place is like the forgotten piece of heaven. White sand beaches along the crystal clear sea. Distant shape of Komodo island on the horizon. Clear blue sky above, away from bland color polluted sky of the big cities. Unlike Bali, it hasn't fully developed yet, which only makes it more exotic and exciting to explore. If I were in this place for different reason, I would spend my time exploring every inch of this island. Especially the Komodo Island, the home of Komodo Dragons. Maybe later I could drop by and see the magnificent and ancient dragons, which have the closest relation to the dinosaurs. But I am here only for a sole purpose, to find Jess. Those dragons can wait. Love can't.
The resost where Jess is staying is located right on the beach side. It has its own private beach, which is guarded by securities. Wooden villas are sprawled along the beach, with comfortable distance with each others. Lush vegetations probive proficient privacy for each villa and beautiful scenery within the resort. Every villa has its own jacuzzi and sunset viewing deck. But the best part of the resort is the infinity swimming pool and bar on the beach. It's surely where the parties are happening at night. The resort maybe gives a sense of serenity with it's calm and green environment, but I can see how it could turn into a lively party spot at night. In a place like this, anything could happen. Jess maybe has already found another girl here to replace me. Maybe I've waited too long to get her back. Maybe I was too late.
"Damn it!" I curse myself mentally for worrying too much. Maybe it was too late, but I would never know if I didn't try. So try, I will.
"Good afternoon, miss." I pull my sweetest smile at the receptionist. "I am supposed to meet my friend here, but I forget what her room number is. Can you help me with that?"
The receptionist looks up and her eyes widen in recognition when she takes a good look at my face. She quickly recovers and gives me a dazzling smile. "Of course, Miss Delevingne. May I know what your friend's name is?"
"Jessica Harper."
The receptionist types into her computer and meets my expectant eyes with another of her dazzling smile. "She's in the Komodo Villa number 8. It's right by the beach, on the right side of the beach bar. If you don't mind, one of our bellboy can help you to find it."
"No, I'm fine. But thank you for your help." I return her smile and is about to turn away when she continues. What she's about to say intrigues me.
"It's my pleasure to help you, Miss. It's a wonderful honor for our resort to have two Hollywood celebirites stay with us."
"Huh?" I look back to the smiling woman. "And who is the other one?"
"Miss Sophie Turner has been staying with us for a week now. She's also staying in one of the Komodo villas."
"Wow. Haven't met her yet, but sure, it's a wonderful coincidence." I am a bit startled by the bit of information. An uneasy feeling is starting to grow inside of me. "Well, okay. Thank you again for your help."
"Have a wonderful day, Miss." The receptionist nods politely and shifts her attention to an incoming guest.
Sophie Turner is here too? I remember her. The Game of Throne star. Blonde, tall, sexy smirks. She has a little bit wild attitude, like me. But not so much, since nothing bad is coming out of her from the paps. This place is definitely the up and coming spot if Sophie decided to visit it too.
*
It's not difficult to find Jess' villa, since it's the farthest one from the center of the resort, which is the beach bar area. My stomach is starting to turn in anxiousness when I step onto her porch. I pause at the door and begin to question if this is such a good idea or not. Jess could throw me away the instant she sees my face, just like Amy said. She could slam the door right in front of my face. God, I think I'm going to throw up. I shift my foot nervously as I build my courage to knock at her door. I feel like I'm a teenager again, picking up my first date at her home. I know that the outdated apologize isn't going to be easy, but I didn't think that it would be this hard. Oh, come on, Cara. Grow a pair. You've gone this far to see her. Just knock the bloody door. After I draw a long breath, I knock the door, maybe a little bit too hard. I hold my breath while I wait for Jess to answer. But minutes went by and still there's no sounds from the inside. I risk a peek through the slightly ajar window's curtain to see whether Jess is inside or not. There's no sign of her inside, though I can see from the window that she was there earlier. There's a half drunk glass of orange juice on the counter. And what probably the t-shirt that she slept in last night is on the floor. She always forget the concept of a hamper and use the whole floor as her dirty laundry storage. Thank God, I'm not a neat freak, so that habit of hers has never bothered me much. Seeing the trace of her stay in that villa makes me miss Jess awfully lot. I used to see that sight on daily basis. Now I don't have the same privilege anymore. Backing away from the front porch window, I feel a lot worse than I've been feeling since weeks ago. Being so far away from her, I was able to numb myself and go on with my life, even if it was pretty hellish too. But now, being so close yet so far from Jess, I'm fully aware of what I've lost.
I sit on one of the cozy lounge chair on the front porch while I'm thinking about my next plan. She could be anywhere. The resort is not that big, but it still would be really hard to find her without having any clue about her whereabouts. Where are you, love? Since my stomach is starting to rumble in protest, I decided to have a lunch while figuring my plan to find Jess. A lunch at the seafood restaurant near the resort would be nice. Since I am already here, why not taking a look at the island? And I could drop by at the shops along the beach to buy something for Jess. After all, it might be not very wise to come empty handed when I'm about to asking for her forgiveness. A bouquet of red roses always does the trick for Jess. It's one of her kryptonite. So I left a note for her and slip it under the door.
Jess, it's me, Cara. I know it's already too late for an apologize, but please meet me at the dock tonight. I really need to see you. I'm sorry. I miss you. I still love you. Yours, Cara.
*
My lunch at Bajo's Seaside Restaurant was great. The food was great, the waitress was attentive and friendly enough, the view was magnificent. But I couldn't enjoy it all since my mind was preoccupied with Jess. I was wondering where she was and with whom she spent her time with. The thought of her, meeting somebody else here was killing me. I cut my lunch short and went to the florist that I passed by before. It has a selection of exotic local flowers, but I went with the safest bet, a bouquet of red roses.
Now, I feel a bit stupid, wandering the resort with a huge bouquet of roses in hand. If my celebrity status isn't already enough to invite curious glances, then the roses does wonders about it. I forced myself to be polite toward the curious onlookers, but after a while it gets really annoying. I go to the beach to clear my mind and escape from the crowds. I walk farther from the beach bar until there's only a few people around me, mostly minding their own business. I keep walking with my heads down, the roses hanging limply beside me.The wind blowing past me, making wailing sounds that suits my mood right now. Why does love have to be so hard? If I were in one of Jess' favorite romantic movies, I would be down on my knee, begging for her forgiveness while she looks all surprised but happy about it. Then she would be back in my arms once again. That should be my grand romantic gesture scene. Right here on the beach, with sunset acting as a backdrop. Love is supposed to fix it all. And God knows how much I love her.
A familiar sound of laugh brings me back from my thoughts. It is hers. I can tell the owner of that laughter from miles away. Jess is here. I look around to find the source of the sound. There are two women who are walking hand in hand along the beach. One of them is blonde and the other is dark haired. The dark haired one looks a lot like Jess. And the blonde one looks awful lot like... Oh, God. No.
As the happy couple walking closer to me, I'm one hundred percent sure that it is Jess. And Sophie Turner. My Jess is holding hand with Sophie Turner. My Jess is laughing at Sophie Turner's joke. While I'm staring dumbfounded at them, Jess turns to face Sophie and starts walking backward to see Sophie while she's talking. She looks so happy. Without me. The thought of Jess, fully capable of being happy without me nearly put a hole into my heart. Fuck. I can't take my eyes away from her, even when I see Jess giving Sophie one of her sweetest smile. I know that smile. It's the one she gives when she's about to... Yup, there she goes. Jess kisses Sophie right on her lips, circling her arms around Sophie's neck in intimate embrace. I look away in pain, unable to witness a kiss that is supposed to be mine. My heart is pounding in my chest as I walk away from the beach as fast as I can without getting any attention from the happy couple. I've never felt pain as great as what I'm feeling right now. It's like my heart literally breaks into pieces. After I got away from the beach, I toss the bouquet away. Feeling stupid as hell, I look angrily at the roses. Fuck. Now what? Seeing the roses laying crumpled on the dirt, I wish it was that easy to toss my feelings for Jess too.
So, my worst nightmare finally comes to life. She found somebody else. Somebody beautiful and fun like Sophie Turner. She's like a better and kinder version of me. I bet she treats her right, unlike me the cheating bastard. I can't call her mine again. I can't kiss her lips again. I can't see her the first thing in the morning again. What are used to be mine, now is somebody else's. I wish my feeling could disappear the instant my hopes did. But I still love her. And this foolish part of me still thinking that this isn't over yet. All is fair in love and war. I can still win her back. But how? How can I turn hurt into love again?
I was thinking of leaving when a realization hit me. The note. Shit, I left a fucking note at her door. I was supposed to meet her at the resort's dock tonight. Would she be there? What am I going to say? Jess is definitely worth another try at love. But the real question is, am I?
